36 Thoughts I Had While Watching Glen Powell in ‘Hit Man’

Ever since I saw Anyone But You this winter, one very important question has been rattling around in my head: is Glen Powell a proper leading man, or isn’t he? On the one hand, he’s handsome and quite funny, and on the other hand, there’s his name: Glen Powell has sort of a Greatest Generation ring to it, if you ask me. But, then again, I guess that never stopped George Clooney from reaching new heights of Hollywood hunkdom.

In his latest film, Hit Man, Powell stars as a professor who moonlights as a fake hit man in police stings. Streaming on Netflix now, it co-stars Adria Arjona and Austin Amelio and was directed by Richard Linklater. Let’s dive in and see what we (okay, I) think, shall we?

Hmm, Glen in glasses. I don’t hate it.Male teachers really do have the monopoly on ugly short-sleeved patterned shirts.Very lesbian haircut on Mr. Powell, if I may say so; it’s almost giving Ryan from The O.C.Hmm, this so-called mild-mannered professor…volunteers with the New Orleans PD?Don’t do free work for cops, kids.Actually, try not to do free work for anyone, but especially not cops.Hey, it’s Retta!Now Glen is…a contract killer?This can’t be how this works, can it?No offense to the six-inch-inseam boys of summer, but I do like a long jort on Glen.Hmm, it seems Glen is actually good at being intimidating.This other bad guy has a very classically beautiful face, if I may note.Glen gets his first arrest! Yay, police state!Aw, he’s into birding.Should I download that birding app everyone seems to have now?Now that Glen mentions it, I guess hiring a hit man is insane and probably not reliable as a line of work.Gotta say, I don’t mind Glen with Jesus hair.OMG, it’s Aunt Sarah from Derry Girls!Sorry to be a knee-jerk ACAB leftist, but this whole police-brutality side plot isn’t really doing it for me.Hey, it’s Adria!She’s clearly not immune to the sight of Glen in aviators.Girl, go see Top Gun: Maverick!Hmm, it seems Adria is living, or in some way involved, with a creepy man who won’t let her do anything and has her on a restrictive diet, and she’s looking for some…help with that, wink-wink. (And for the record, I fully support her.)Glen lets Adria off “before she can start incriminating herself,” which he’s not supposed to do, but again, I get it.Aw, Adria’s getting a divorce and wearing miniskirts and adopting a dog.And there’s the requisite shot of our male lead adorably playing football with kids.Glen telling Adria that the rules for sleeping with him include never having her at his place and never giving her any information about his whereabouts…babe, it’s called dating any generic fuckboy in Brooklyn!Or a contract killer in New Orleans, I guess.Oh, shit, Glen ends up being hired by Adria’s abusive ex, who then…ends up dead?Again, respect to, ahem, whoever did that; I live by “Goodbye, Earl” rules.Glen comes clean to Adria about being a fake contract killer, and she comes clean about killing her ex. We love honesty!Adria is the prime suspect in her ex’s murder, but Glen’s trying to cover for her (badly).There’s a whole insurance-money plotline I’m not really following, TBH.Adria drugs Glen’s shitty, also-abusive cop comrade, but Glen helps fake his suicide because he’s a “dirty cop” and thus deserves it. No argument from me!Aw, Glen and Adria are in love and baking stuff! And he’s a nerdy teacher again!Okay, leading-man bag secured, I have to admit.