Man Utd hijack £50m deal, Liverpool signing Branthwaite and more Prem transfers to save deadline day

We are long overdue a bonkers deadline day and these five fantasy Premier League transfers would ensure Friday goes down in folklore for its daftness…

Jarrad Branthwaite to Liverpool

Nick Barmby and Abel Xavier are in an exclusive club of players to move directly from Everton to arch-rivals Liverpool and it’s been over 20 years since such a contentious deal has been brokered between the two Merseyside rivals.

Reports suggest Liverpool may not be finished after their panic-stricken buy of Federico Chiesa as FSG are apparently ‘preparing a bombshell’ with Branthwaite on their list of centre-back targets.

This summer has been an infuriating one for Liverpool supporters. Having missed out on top target Martin Zubimendi, Richard Hughes has come in for some stick as the boringly sensible acquisition of Giorgi Mamardashvili and seemingly needless purchase of Chiesa have not improved the new technical director’s relationship with fans.

Most right-minded Liverpool supporters feel the signing of a new central midfielder and centre-back should be at the top of FSG’s list of priorities. Yet, they could easily still be left searching to cover cracks in these areas ahead of the winter window.

Virgil van Dijk is not getting any younger and there are few better options on the market than Branthwaite as a long-term replacement for the left centre-back slot. Everton’s persisting financial woes mean Liverpool could capitalise and sign the Englishman below his market value in the coming days.

This deal would compound Everton’s misery following their dire start to the new season and I’d be here for the uproar it would cause on deadline day and beyond.

READ: Chiesa next? Liverpool’s FSG era late-window signings ranked as Suarez, Coutinho prop up horror list

Victor Osimhen to Chelsea

Todd Boehly’s Chelsea are once again out in front as the biggest spenders in Europe this summer and they have reached this vaunted status without buying an actual striker.

The whole Samu Omorodion saga was made a whole lot more laughable when Porto eventually signed him for £20m less than the fee Chelsea agreed to pay, but they have fortunately stumbled upon a solution in the form of wantaway Napoli striker Osimhen.

In recent windows, Napoli have driven a hard bargain to price Osimhen out of a move elsewhere. There is still a huge release clause (believed to be worth around £110m) in his contract, but the Serie A giants – managed by Antonio Conte – have shown a willingness to negotiate with Romelu Lukaku lined up to replace their prolific goalscorer.

Now, 65 million euros (roughly £54m) appears to be the figure demanded by Napoli and Chelsea really needs to get Osimhen while the Italian side is in such a charitable mood. 

It’s been easy to poke fun at Chelsea during the Boehly era as their transfer decisions have ranged from confusing to outright stupid. Despite Stamford Bridge resembling a circus, their 6-2 demolition of Wolves suggests the Blues are – somehow amid all the exterior noise – capable of enjoying a fruitful season and their hopes will be boosted further if their final piece of the jigsaw (i.e. Osimhen) is secured before Friday night’s deadline.

Jadon Sancho to Newcastle United

Sancho and Erik ten Hag’s early-summer reconciliation was nice while it lasted, but the England international is among ten players who have presumably been begging for a transfer before Friday after being omitted from Man Utd’s squad for their first two Premier League games.

Despite efforts seemingly being made to mend bridges, the Sancho-Man Utd marriage is broken and it’s for the best that they go their separate ways.

Chelsea’s love of wingers made a swap deal involving Raheem Sterling a surprisingly realistic prospect until Juventus reportedly moved to the front of the queue once again.

But more fun could be had if Sancho snubs Juventus and joins Newcastle United instead.

While Euro 2024 standout Marc Guehi would be a great signing if the Magpies can finally get the club-record deal over the line, this prolonged pursuit has made new sporting director Paul Mitchell and the rest of Newcastle’s board look pretty foolish, especially as they are not leaving themselves much time to add a new right winger to Eddie Howe’s squad.

Even if this move is on an initial loan basis, Sancho would provide Newcastle with a significant upgrade on the right flank.

Will it happen? No. But this is what we want to happen and a front three of Sancho, Alexander Isak and Anthony Gordon would make for a good watch.

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Ivan Toney to Manchester United

The imminent arrival of fifth summer signing Manuel Ugarte will take Man Utd’s spend during this window to around the £200m mark. Yet the changes made by Sir Jim Ratcliffe and his recruitment team mean it has all been rather sensible.

It was hard to pick faults in United’s business when ranking Ratcliffe’s transfer decisions this summer. While the loss to Brighton suggests they remain far away from challenging for the Premier League title, they are at least gradually moving in the right direction.

That’s all well and good, but Man Utd were way more fun under the previous regime as their rash movements in the transfer market often made for great entertainment.

So with the Red Devils still arguably one striker short, I’m calling for Ratcliffe to sanction a hijack job on Chelsea and Al-Ahli to sign Toney from Brentford as neutrals would need to get their popcorn ready for this ‘late bidding war’. 

READ: Man Utd to remove ‘last round peg’ after two signs of transfer ‘competence’

Nico Williams to Arsenal

Will last-minute exits for Eddie Nketiah and Aaron Ramsdale free up funds for Arsenal to sign Williams? I do hope so.

The summer arrivals of Riccardo Calafiori and Mikel Merino make Arsenal an even more rugged opponent for Man City, but they are missing a sprinkle of stardust in attacking areas and could do with a top-quality competitor for Bukayo Saka on the right.

Barcelona’s dilly-dallying has left the door ajar for Arsenal to make a ‘bombshell’ 11th-hour signing and the addition of Williams – one of the best players at Euro 2024 – would certainly be a statement worth making.

Mikel Arteta could still do with signing a new striker, but signing Williams feels much more realistic and the seemingly endless number of anonymous Arsenal-affiliated social media accounts will lose their tiny minds if David Ornstein or a lesser ‘transfer expert’ were to reveal a last-gasp agreement has been reached with Athletic Bilbao to sign the Spaniard on deadline day.