Ten inexplicable own goals feature Phil Jones, Gareth Bale and accidental Sunderland stunner

We’ve all seen ‘what was he doing?’ own goals. Never mind the accidental tap-ins or headers, these are ten really big bodges. So there is some Phil Jones.

Josue Duverguer v Canada

The ball is passed back to the Haitian keeper. Not ferociously but slowly. It was an easy ball to control but the Haiti keeper Josue manages to perform a complex manoeuvre where he lets the ball between his legs, tries to rescue it as it trickles to the goal, and in doing so hits the ball with his standing foot, tries and fail to stop it with his other foot but misses it and it rolls into the net. That’s some bad ju ju.

Santiago Vergini v Southampton

Called ‘the Premier League’s most spectacular own goal’ at the time, it was one of those own goals that for a moment looks like a world-class strike, only in the wrong net. There’s some intricate passing from Southampton as they progress to goal. The ball breaks free on the edge of the box and Vergini, with considerable grace, has a brain fart and hits a brilliant curler into the top corner. Quite what he was trying to achieve remains unclear. He was on loan from Estudiantes, was kept on for another season but didn’t play and went on loan to Getafe. Amazingly, he got three caps for Argentina before they realised he was fundamentally sh*te.

James Collins v Man City

One of those ‘bet you couldn’t do that twice’ unlikely own goals. The ball is crossed from the right, it’s going nowhere until it drops onto Collins’ foot as he’s running back, sending it up and over the keeper in a looping fashion that not even the world’s best striker could reproduce. He’s been retired for four years now. Seemed to be always around.

Gareth Bale v Liverpool

Spurs’ favourite golfer scored this epic own goal. The ball ricochets around the box and heads towards the goal. But there’s a man on the line – phew. But oh no, he’s kicked it away into Bale’s face with some power from close range. The ball bounces off the golfer’s coupon three yards out and goes into the net, leaving Bale flat out and dreaming of a transfer to a less comedy-prone club.

Richard Dunne v West Brom

When it comes to ‘oh, how’s he done that?’ own goals, Dunne was the unrivalled master at putting his substantial backside in the way of the ball and deflecting it into the net. But on this occasion v West Brom, he’s chasing back as the ball is looped forward and he’s in a race with a striker. He gets to the ball first but is facing the goal and instead of booting it into touch, it lands on his foot and he fires it, almost casually, into his own net with accuracy from 30 yards. You silly boy.

Nigel Reo-Coker v Portsmouth

My pal used to call the midfield hot head Nigel Ego-Stroker because he always seemed in a strop and thought he was better than he was. Here, in a game for Aston Villa against Portsmouth, an attack is on and our man is defending. A through ball is played but it looks easy to clear and is 35 yards from the goal. That is until Villa goalie Scott Carson comes dashing out his goal, gets to the ball first and kicks it into Ego-Stroker’s legs. It bounces off him and the ball rolls into the net. What have you done?! Pillock.

Phil Jones v Newcastle

No list of unfortunate own goals is complete without one from Phil, football’s favourite gurner. It’s all straightforward enough: a long high ball from the keeper is played forward and drops out of the sky into the centre of the penalty box. Phil, the only defender, clearly doesn’t know how to deal with it, leans forward to try and head it away, misses it totally and by quite a bit, and the ball bounces into him and he knocks it into the net. The very definition of a klutz. You’ve got to feel sorry for him as he trudges away looking like Stan Laurel (ask yer grandad).

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Tony Popovic v Leicester

A remarkable own goal scored by Palace’s sweaty Aussie. More like a trick really. The ball is crossed from the right and Popovic is on the edge of his own six-yard box. As the ball comes over behind him he flicks a heel at it in a half-hearted attempt to stop it, but he just catches the ball wrong and directs it into top bins. It’s a back-heel volleyed own goal, the like of which you will never see ever again.

Ashley Westwood v West Ham

Backwards header over the goalkeeper, anyone? A simple ball into the box is intercepted by Westwood, playing for Villa, who attempts to head it away but can’t quite get enough elevation on his jump and succeeds only in letting the ball skim off the top of his head, taking it in a big loop over the keeper’s head into the bottom corner. Considering he’s got his back to the goal, I bet he’s never scored a better one. He plays for Charlotte F.C. in America now, y’know.

Eddie Youds v Arsenal

OK, this was 30 years ago but it is extremely calamitous football. Arsenal were quite good and the Tractor Boys weren’t, finishing fourth and 19th respectively. The Gunners break forward and are in on goal, the ball is crossed along the deck from the right, inside the six-yard box, right in front of the goal, Youds – unusual name, looks like a typo – is back and attempts to kick it away, which he manages, but he only succeeds in kicking it into his standing foot and it bounces into the net. Oops. It’s unlikely, but it happened in a different century, when we used to laugh.

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