This Woman Anonymously Answered Questions About Her Childhood With Polyamorous Parents, And It’s Not What I Expected

Recently on r/AMA, a woman invited commenters to ask her anything about her childhood growing up with three polyamorous parents. She wrote, “I often have people ask questions about my parents, and I usually enjoy answering them, so I thought this would be fun as I’m bored. I have permission from all three parents to make this post and if there’s any questions specifically that they can answer they’re willing to. I’m not answering anything inappropriate because they’re my parents and that would be really weird. But anything else is completely okay.”

Her post got over 900 comments, and she took the time to answer tons of questions about her experience. Here are her answers to some of the top questions:

1.

One user asked, “What are the pros and cons of a polygamous relationship from the children’s POV?”

2.

Another person asked, “How did disagreements over parenting decisions get resolved? Was it a vote or did one have veto power?”

She replied, “For disagreements, they would typically give it a break if there was no mutual agreement to consider everyone else’s perspective, then come back to the discussion. If they still couldn’t agree, they would ask my brother and I (whoever the decision was regarding) for our perspective.”

3.

They also wanted to know, “Who held the title of Mom/Dad? One or all of them? Were they equal, or was there a hierarchy? If each gave conflicting orders, who got obeyed and why?”

The OP answered, saying, “We had Mom, Dad, and Mama. Mama is my biological mother, and Mom is my brother’s biological mother. We also call Dad ‘Papa’ as it’s the more common term in our country, but for some reason, we ended up mostly calling him Dad.

Everyone was equal.

With conflicting orders, it depended on who we wanted to listen to or who had the better offer (for example, if one of them promised a reward for doing something, we would do that).”

4.

Another user asked, “I SWEAR I’m not asking this to be rude; I am just genuinely curious. Is there a part of you growing up where you were just like, ‘This is weird,’ or ‘This is dumb,’ or were you just kind of accepting, like, ‘This is our life, and it’s just different than what most people around me experience’?”

5.

Someone else asked, “Did you have friends over or sleepovers? What did your peers or grandparents think of the situation? Did you watch Sister Wives, lol?”

She responded, “We were allowed friends over, but for overnight things like sleepovers, that was close friends only, and there were a few rules around it. Some people were judgemental about my parents; some were cool about it. 

My grandparents had differing opinions. Mom’s had a hard time accepting it, and even now, they make some comments, but they’re trying to be polite and learn. I think their main issue is that she’s with a woman as well as a man, not that she’s with two people. Mama’s parents were fine with it because they just wanted her to be loved and happy and didn’t care if that meant loving two people. Dad’s parents didn’t approve of it and still don’t, but they care about him. They’ll only acknowledge his relationship with Mama, which obviously upsets Mom, but we don’t talk to them much.”

6.

One commenter asked about how her parents handled family planning, writing, “I see you have a brother. Were you conceived at the same time? As in, did they plan it out so that both your moms gave birth to a child, one each? Or did only one mother give birth, and the other one decided it was not for them? Or how exactly did it go?”

The OP replied, “I’m 20, and my brother is almost 17, so it wasn’t around the same time. They always wanted two children and figured the best way would be if both moms had a biological child but didn’t mind if it were two by the same mother. It worked out well for them as I’m Mama’s and he’s Mom’s.”

7.

And another commenter followed up on that question, asking, “Are you much more close to your biological mama? If your mom left your life, would you be okay or devastated?”

8.

Someone else asked, “What do you think about the whole ‘the kids will be bullied’ argument against polyamorous families?”

She replied, “I think it’s a mixture of reasonable and stupid. Bullies don’t just bully because there’s something different. If they would bully you for having polyamorous parents, they’d bully you for having gay parents, or something like that. Yes, polyamorous parents do encourage bullies, and in their mind, it gives them a reason, but bullies will be bullies regardless of the situation. My brother has dealt with some comments at school, but he’s never felt as if they were bullying him.”

9.

Someone else asked, “Was it confusing for you in any way growing up as a child? How about when you found out this wasn’t the usual situation?”

The OP responded, “As a child, I kept getting confused over who was Mom and who was Mama, but as I got older, it became less confusing. I always knew it wasn’t the usual situation because they made sure I knew.”

10.

A hopeful parent asked, “Poly woman here who is thinking about starting a family. Do you feel that you were made a priority by your parents? How did you manage bonding time with everyone? I’m very cautious about bringing a child into this, but I am curious to hear how it could work.”

11.

Another commenter asked, “Were all three considered legal guardians when you were a kid? Just curious of the logistics of that type of arrangement.”

She replied, “In terms of law, only two of them (biological) were recognized as legal guardians, but all three of them had the same rights in every other sense.”

12.

And one commenter asked about how the poly relationship developed. “Do you know how the relationship happened? Like were they always in ENM [ethical non-monogamy], or did two of them start as a mono couple, and one of them brought the third person in?”

She explained, “Mama and Dad were dating first, but then Dad met Mom a few years into the relationship and started dating her too. Mama and Mom ended up falling in love, too.”

13.

One person asked, “Were they all really equal in the relationship, or was your dad kind of in charge? Did your moms get jealous of one another?

14.

And finally, another commenter wondered, “Given that you’re happy with your childhood, what stops you from wanting to be polyamorous yourself?”

She replied, “I just don’t see myself being with two people at once. I’m very happy with my boyfriend, and I’d like it to stay just between the two of us.”

Can you relate to OP’s story? Or have you ever tried a polyamorous relationship? Share your experiences in the comments.