Parents Are Sharing Any Regrets They Have About Starting A Family, And It’s Important To Discuss
Becoming a parent is one of the most life-changing moments in a person’s life. From the excitement of your baby’s first everything to the stress of sleepless nights, parenthood comes with endless emotions. I recently asked moms and dads in the BuzzFeed Community to share any regrets about starting a family. Here’s what they had to say:
Note: Some submissions are from this Reddit thread and this Reddit thread.
1.
“The problem is you can’t undo a kid. If you have one and it turns out that it’s not for you, that kid’s being set up for a world of trauma.”
2.
“Not starting sooner. I was finally ready much later in life. I expected to be one and done, but I enjoyed it so much we want another. We’re now a bit too old and hoping it happens.”
âAnonymous
3.
“I wouldn’t say I regret having kids, but I sure do miss not having kids, if that makes any sense.”
4.
“I regret bringing my kids into a world that is falling apart. Iâm afraid of what things are going to be like for them in the future considering recent political events. I never regret them, and I’m glad they are here, but I do worry a lot.”
âmorganp46e8de781
5.
“My hobbies, career, and marriage have ended since starting a family. I now have to live for these kids, especially since one has special needs. I would give anything back to take it all away. The love is insurmountable, yet I wish I wouldn’t have. Be aware, people. You can’t take anything back.”
6.
“Being divorced and being the ‘it’ parent. It’s so hard. If I knew I would be a single parent, I would’ve never done it.”
âu/ArseOfValhalla
7.
“Having an 18-month-old, this is exactly how I feel. I love her, and being with her brings me so much joy. But also, I miss sleep and being able to do whatever I want.”
8.
“My sister-in-law angrily regrets her last one, and it shows. This child called his grandma ‘mom’ first and for a long time. The abandonment issues that this boy will have will take years to unravel. It’s a horrible thing. If you don’t want them, don’t force yourself.”
âu/gholmom500
9.
“I didn’t want to have kids, mainly because of the responsibility, but I was also afraid of having a disabled child. My wife convinced me to have one, and we had many pregnancy issues. He was born at 29 weeks. Now he is four, has autism, and is non-verbal. He can’t understand what the toilet is for and doesn’t even listen to what we say. Do I regret having kids? I do. This is too hard, I don’t think I’ll be able to enjoy life again.”
10.
“I love my kids more than anything and they’re genuinely my favorite people. My regret is bringing them into this dumpster fire of a world. I feel bad every day, and I hope that they can still live happy lives.”
âAnonymous from Illinois
11.
“I regret giving up on myself. I had my first child 12 years ago, and it took me until earlier this year to realize I can’t always put myself last. I was overweight, completely exhausted, and in fight-or-flight mode all the time. It made me a bad mom. I wish I had known better how to take care of myself instead of prioritizing everyone else around me. Of course, my children will always be my priority, but that doesn’t mean I have to put myself last on the list to make that happen. It took me way too long to figure out that balance and my body, my mind, and probably my family, paid for it.”
12.
“It’s not that I wish I didn’t have kids. I wish I had done more with my life before I had them. I had my firstborn at 29.”
âu/morganmisanthropy
13.
“There are many, many moments where I think life would be better or easier without a child. And then there are days when I see that my baby girl is the best thing that ever happened to me. For me, it was never something I 100% knew I wanted, and I feel like it’s a difficult job most days. But it’s also very rewarding and brings me purpose. You’ll probably have some regrets both ways.”
14.
“I love my daughter. If I had it to do over again, I would not have a child, or at least not with my ex-husband. Who you have a child with is as important as whether or not you have a child.”
âu/MediaContent1662
15.
“I didn’t plan on my husband’s and my parenting views being so different. I felt that we were on the same page at the very beginning when we became pregnant. But having our son in April 2020 has been stressful for us since the beginning. Our views on COVID were a bit different, and everything that the world has become has made us both uneasy. It has put a lot of stress on our marriage. We both love our son immensely, but our views of protecting him differ.”
16.
“Getting married and having kids put a damper on the rest of my life, health, finances, and free time, but they are the best things I ever did, and I definitely wouldn’t change it given the chance.”
âu/gordonreadit
17.
“I didn’t anticipate how becoming a mom would impact my anxiety and overall mental health. I almost died during childbirth, the recovery was brutal, and my son had food allergy issues and slow weight gain. It was one thing after another and I’m only 10 months in as a new mom. I have anxiety attacks all the time now.”
18.
“I don’t regret my kids for a second and could not imagine my world without them. But it does make me realize the importance of your single, pre-kids life, too.”
âu/wildfire_atomic
19.
And finally, “Do it with the right person. The relationship is not going to improve if they want a kid and force you into giving them one. That is one thing in life I can never get back. It’s interesting how controlling and possessive my wife got after the kids. I try to work with her on everything and be a good partner/dad. Be a better person. Do it with the wrong person and you’re stuck.”
Do you have any regrets about starting a family? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
