Footballers with great nicknames

‘One Size’ Fitz Hall playing for QPR, 2008
(Image credit: Alamy)

Footballers’ nicknames range from the plain rubbish (just sticking a ‘y’ on the end of a player’s actual name) to the utterly inspired.

Here, we’ve picked out some of our favourites, taking in cult heroes and bona fide superstars of the game alike.

What’s in a football nickname? You’re about to find out…

‘Dave’ – Cesar Azpilicueta

Cesar Azpilicueta playing for Chelsea, 2022 (Image credit: Alamy)The story goes that when Cesar Azpilicueta joined Chelsea from Atletico Madrid in 2012, his new teammates found the Spanish defender’s surname a bit hard to pronounce.

So, rather than learning it, they went for the easy option and started calling him ‘Dave’ – à la Trigger from Only Fools and Horses.

‘The Divine Ponytail’ – Roberto Baggio

Roberto Baggio playing for Italy at the 1994 World Cup, with his iconic ponytail on show (Image credit: Alamy)One of the very best players in the world during the 90s, Italian icon Roberto Baggio was dubbed ‘Il Divin Codino’ (‘The Divine Ponytail’).

This one’s pretty self-explanatory, but it’s still absolutely brilliant and the perfect moniker for such an utterly magical footballer, the winner of the 1993 Ballon d’Or.

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‘The Non-Flying Dutchman’ – Dennis Bergkamp

Dennis Bergkamp playing for Arsenal against Inter in the Champions League at the San Siro, 2003 (Image credit: Alamy)Dennis Bergkamp regularly ripped it up in the Premier League, but things were a little trickier for him when Arsenal had a European game on the continent.

The Gunners and Netherlands legend’s fear of flying meant that he travelled to such matches by road and rail instead – or, if logistics didn’t allow, not at all. And as a result his nickname was ‘The Non-Flying Dutchman’

‘The Wardrobe’ – Papa Bouba Diop

Papa Bouba Diop tackles Joey Barton while playing for Fulham against Manchester City, 2005 (Image credit: Alamy)The late Papa Bouba Diop brought an imposing presence to midfield, starring in Senegal’s famous run to the 2002 World Cup quarter-finals and later in the Premier League, for among others, Fulham and Portsmouth.

And his substantial stature earned him the six-foot-five cult favourite the cracking nickname of ‘The Wardrobe’.

‘Peter Pan’ – Antonio Cassano

Antonio Cassano celebrates after scoring for Inter against Fiorentina, 2013 (Image credit: Alamy)Whether it was his antics or his protracted retirement and (ultimately failed) return to the pitch, former Roma, Milan, Inter and Italy forward Antonio Cassano never seemed to want to grow up.

Mind you, ‘Peter Pan’ wasn’t exactly old when he finally did hang up his boots – he was only 36!

‘Duncan Disorderly’ – Duncan Ferguson

Duncan Ferguson playing for Everton, 1996 (Image credit: Alamy)Duncan Ferguson’s proper nickname is ‘Big Dunc’, but the no-nonsense Scottish striker also ended up being dubbed ‘Duncan Disorderly’.

That came after the card-prone Ferguson – the first footballer to be jailed for an on-field offence, his assault of Raith Rovers’ John McStay while playing for Rangers in 1994 – failed a breathalyser test on the eve of his first Merseyside derby for Everton.

‘One Size’ – Fitz Hall

Fitz Hall playing for Crystal Palace, 2006 (Image credit: Alamy)Everyone loves a pun (don’t they?) and Fitz Hall’s nickname is an absolutely stunning example of the art.

The towering former Crystal Palace and QPR defender – who won the 2009/10 Championship title with the latter and again on loan at Newcastle the following season – even launched a clothing range which took its name from his memorable moniker.

‘The Waiter’ – Toni Kroos

Toni Kroos makes a pass while playing for Germany against Brazil in the semi-finals of the 2014 World Cup (Image credit: Alamy)Renowned for his supremely pinpoint passing ability, German great Toni Kroos earned the nickname ‘The Waiter’.

The six-time Champions League-winning midfield maestro was dubbed ‘Garçom’ (‘Waiter’ in Portuguese) by the Brazilian press for routinely delivering the ball to perfection en route to glory at the 2014 World Cup in the country.

‘The Magic Dwarf’ – Philipp Lahm

Philipp Lahm in action for Germany against Argentina in the 2014 World Cup final (Image credit: Alamy)Did you know that Germany were captained to 2014 World Cup success by a ‘Magic Dwarf’…?

Philipp Lahm got his nickname for a) being an exceptional player, one of the finest full-backs of all time, and b) having the audacity to be five-foot-seven tall (which isn’t even that short, is it?!).

‘Slabhead’ – Harry Maguire

Harry Maguire heads the ball while playing for Manchester United, 2023 (Image credit: Alamy)Harry Maguire’s sizeable skull has long seen the centre-back affectionately known as ‘Slabhead’.

And England’s 2018 World Cup semi-finalist and Euro 2020 runner-up has regularly put that part of his anatomy to good use, whether getting rid of the ball at one end or scoring with a powerful header at the other.

‘Choccy’ – Brian McClair

Brian McClair playing for Manchester United against Coventry City, 1992 (Image credit: Alamy)Manchester United legend Brian McClair helped the Red Devils to four Premier League titles, among other honours, making almost 500 appearances and scoring more than 100 goals for the club.

During his time at Old Trafford, the versatile Scotland international was fondly called ‘Choccy’ – thanks to his surname rhyming with that cream-filled, chocolate-topped treat, the éclair.

‘The Flea’ – Lionel Messi

Lionel Messi celebrates after scoring for Barcelona against Tottenham, 2018 (Image credit: Alamy)You might well refer to him as the GOAT, but Lionel Messi’s nickname is ‘La Pulga’ (Spanish for ‘The Flea’).

Why? It’s quite simple really: the eight-time Ballon d’Or-winning Barcelona and Argentina icon is only little and is an absolute nuisance to play against (ok, that’s something of an understatement).

‘The Little Aeroplane’ – Vincenzo Montella

Vincenzo Montella does his trademark aeroplane celebration after scoring for Roma against Brescia, 2001 (Image credit: Alamy)Vincenzo Montella scored well over 200 goals across the course of his career, and his go-to celebration was to stretch his arms out like a plane.

As a result, the diminutive Italian, who netted more than 100 times for Roma alone and won 20 international caps, was nicknamed ‘L’Aeroplanino’ (‘The Little Aeroplane’).

‘Chris’ – Kiki Musampa

Kiki Musampa playing for Manchester City, 2006 (Image credit: Alamy)Winger Kiki Musampa spent 18 months on loan at Manchester City from Atletico Madrid from 2005 to 2006, once scoring a stunning late winner against Liverpool.

During his time in the North West of England, Musampa, a former Netherlands U21 international, had the nickname ‘Chris’. Think about it for a second…

‘Wash’ – David Ngog

David Ngog playing for Liverpool, 2009 (Image credit: Alamy)For those who don’t know, Wash & Go is an old-school brand of two-in-one shampoo and conditioner.

And it seems that for Liverpool fans in the late 00s, the lure of a great pun was too much to resist, hence dubbing French striker David Ngog (pronounced N-go) ‘Wash’. Brilliant stuff!

‘The Blind Venetian’ – Massimo Taibi

Massimo Taibi playing in goal for Manchester United, 1999 (Image credit: Alamy)Howler-blighted former Manchester United goalkeeper Massimo Taibi was born in Sicily – about as far away in Italy from Venice as you can get.

But the fact that he joined the Red Devils from Sicily was grounds enough for him to be bestowed with the inspired (if harsh) nickname of ‘The Blind Venetian’.

Tom Hancock started freelancing for FourFourTwo in April 2019 and has also written for the Premier League and Opta Analyst, among others. He supports Wycombe Wanderers and has a soft spot for Wealdstone. A self-confessed statto, he has been known to watch football with a spreadsheet (or several) open…