How Late Night Addressed Trump’s Address

Photo: Comedy Central/YouTube

There was a long, meandering speech this week. It was broadcast on live television, with far-reaching geopolitical implications, no self-editing, random mentions of the Nazis. But enough about Adrien Brody’s Oscars acceptance speech, we’re here to talk about Trump. Heyooooo!

Obviously we aren’t the first to make a joke comparing Brody’s speech and Trump’s. We aren’t even the fifth. Most of the late night hosts made reference to the Oscars, what with the timeliness and all. Below, we’ve rounded up all the best bon mots about Trump’s address to Congress, the longest in American history. But don’t worry, we’ll be brief.

Fallon was brief on the tediously long Trump speech. At the top of his monologue, he made the obligatory Oscars joke and got out of there quick. “Adrien Brody was watching like ‘game respect game,’” he said.

Taylor Tomlinson also touched on the address, mainly on how she’s way better at reading a teleprompter. Tomlinson showed a text from a friend watching the speech, who said it gave her renewed appreciation for what Taylor does every night. Same, girl.

Michael Kosta is helming The Daily Show this week, and his main focus was on the political theater on both sides of the aisle. He joked that Tlaib’s protest whiteboard would be equally as effective if she’d just drawn the cool S on it. Kosta called the address “The Oscars for people with loose skin,” which isn’t really fair to the Governor’s Awards, now is it? Kosta also made fun of Trump for being an adult who cares about April Fools’ Day, which, yeah, fair enough. The only people who care about April Fools’ nowadays are marketing people looking to go viral for all the wrong reasons.

Seth Meyers has finally recognized his utility as a barrier between us (the viewers who “get their news” from late night) and the awful, awful news. Meyers says he used to try and get people to watch actual news, but after Trump’s address, it’s chill. “From now on, you can get your news from me,” he said. “Don’t put yourself through this shit anymore.” Meyers put up a graphic of 16 movies shorter than Trump’s address and more worth your time, “and I’m including The Emoji Movie.”

Stephen Colbert went live after Trump’s address, and kudos to The Late Show for whipping up those prop displeasure paddles so quickly! Ever the good Catholic boy, Colbert noted that this live monologue was taking place during Mardi Gras, “And just like on Bourbon Street, tonight we all got to see some boobs,” he said before cutting to Trump, JD Vance, and Speaker of the House Mike Johnson. But Colbert also shared some ire for the Democrats that meekly protested. Of the night’s pink bloc, Colbert had little positive to say. “It’s the kind of bold protest that says ‘This is a test print, and your magenta cartridge is working,’” he said. “In the immortal words of Martin Niemöller, ‘First, they came for the trade unionists, and I pulled out a pink blazer and a mimeograph. Take that, Adolph!’”

Former altar boy Jimmy Kimmel also noted the religiosity of last night’s address. “This year, for Lent, we are giving up democracy,” he said. Maybe we’ll get it back for Easter? Kimmel also noted all the Biden bashing that took place Tuesday night. Of Trump’s claim that Biden spent $8 million to make mice transgender, Kimmel said “They’re turning Mickeys into Minnies and Minnies into Mickeys.” Truly it’s a world gone mad.

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How Late Night Addressed Trump’s Address