How a Brooch Gave Me Back My Self Confidence

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While brooches today have made their way onto the runways and been worn by some of the most stylish people—think Sebastian Stan and Colman Domingo at the Oscars, et al—these accessories have long been about more than just aesthetics. Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright was known to wear brooches to reflect a political message—and her collection now lives at the National Museum of American Diplomacy. Then celebrities like Alan Cumming and Richard Gadd have been spotted at awards shows wearing brooches and pins supporting causes from trans rights to raising awareness for sexual abuse.

Small accessories like a brooch (or bag charms and nail art, for the Gen Z among us) can articulate self-expression and empowerment for the wearer. They convey a message without words, which, for a public person like a politician or an actor, can be pivotal. But for me, who is decidedly not a public person, a brooch can transform something all together internal, and bring about a confidence I never expected.

Brooches on the runway at Tory Burch.

Photo: Salvatore Dragone / Gorunway.com

Pharrell Williams sporting his own brooch.

Photo: Getty

A lot of people are surprised I have anxiety. That’s because so much of anxiety is invisible. The sputtering inner dialogue running through thousands of scenarios. The racing heart, the pulsing ears, the tingling fingers and toes. These are things someone with a lifetime of anxiety has learned to mask or maybe even quiet with enough practice. And while I’ve managed to, well, manage my anxiety most of my life, I had a panic attack at an airport in Austin last year that shattered this facade in an instant.

Flying was always a little difficult for me, but the time off from traveling during the pandemic made things worse. One moment, my group was about to board, and the next, my feet were frozen, as if a concrete wall was blocking my way. All I could think about was the doors of the airplane shutting. Clunk. Then me: Running up and down the aisles of the airplane screaming with no way out.

The doors did shut on that flight—but I wasn’t on it. While I did eventually make it home, I promised myself I’d never let that happen again. Even after practicing EMDR with my therapist, reading books, meditating, trying all the gummies, and tinctures, I knew that the only way to get through this anxiety was to expose myself to the fear.

So I booked myself another roundtrip flight for this past January, a little over a year since the panic attack. A literary agent I know wrote about how improv helped her anxiety, so I signed up for a six-week course leading up to the trip. If I could survive six improv classes with a bunch of strangers, certainly, I could get myself back on a plane.

For my first class, to distract from my nervous tingles, I put on a brooch. A small Macon et Lesquoy hedgehog that I bought in Paris. I had been collecting brooches on my travels and at estate sales, but was never quite sure when to wear them. Affixing that cute little hedgehog to my sweater made me smile.

When I got to class, my heart was thumping into my temples. But as soon as I sat down, the woman next to me leaned over, her shoulder touching mine, and whispered a compliment about my brooch. I thanked her. I took a breath. My feelings of fight-or-flight began to lessen, like our little conversation sparked some peace.

Every week for the following five weeks I wore a brooch—and someone always commented or complimented. I started calling them my “Confidence Brooches” because they always broke the ice. By the time the classes finished, everyone agreed brooches were “my thing.”

And I didn’t just wear the Confidence Brooches to improv. I wore them out to dinner, to social gatherings—any time that concrete wall started to appear. The confidence continued to build on itself. Whether or not someone commented, wearing a Confidence Brooch got me out of my own head and into the present moment.

This is why, when I got to the airport to fly to Austin two weeks ago, I wore a Confidence Brooch: A circular silver pin with a red stone handed down from my husband’s grandmother. While no one commented on it at the airport, it truly did give me courage as my group was called, as I walked onto the jetway, got into my seat, and buckled my seatbelt. I heard the clunk of the door and we took off. I made it. And I made it home, too.

To be honest, this isn’t a story of anxiety cured, but of hope. Hope that with exposure, connection, and perhaps a Confidence Brooch, anxiety can be reduced to a faint hum as you live the life you want to lead—whether you’re flying somewhere special, about to give a presentation at work, going in for a big interview, or having a tough conversation with your kids. Because life is hard and we all have tough moments.

When it comes to finding your own Confidence Brooch, there are endless places to shop. The vintage route is especially exciting—from in-person estate sales to resale sites like Vestiaire Collective. There are a lot of Chanel (and more Chanel), Prada, Hermès, and YSL brooches to go around. I personally have an alert from the Gem App going for lots of different brands.

If you’re looking for something new, you can absolutely start where I did, with one of Macon et Lesquoy’s countless options. I personally love their little animals and foods (like a tiny croissant and a cup of coffee) and their larger, louder brooches, like one that says “Resiste.” Mignonne Gavigan also makes bold beaded brooches, like this beaded pretzel. You can also look to Jennifer Behr for fully glam and opulent styles. Even Loewe has a chic anagram pin.

And if you’re traveling, keep an eye out for a Confidence Brooch at spots like botanical gardens and museums—I got a beautiful bee at the Red Butte Garden in Salt Lake City, and The Met has some cool accessories as well. Once you start collecting, your eyes will always be alert to your next Confidence Brooch. An opportunity to build your resilience, help you do the hard things, and look good, too.

Balmain

Beauty Charm brooch

N21

crystal-embellished brooch

Lele Sadoughi

deco bow brooch

Max Mara

Jessy silk brooch

Jennifer Behr

Antinea faux pearl and crystal brooch

Dries Van Noten

silver-tone beaded brooch