Andre Fili was ‘incredibly unhappy’ after his Cub Swanson win: ‘I felt ashamed’

Andre Fili knows he’s his own worst critic.

Despite a back-and-forth war that ultimately won Fight of the Night at UFC 303, the 15-year veteran just didn’t feel like he had the performance he wanted against Cub Swanson. When it was over, the judges ultimately scored the fight as a split decision, with Fili edging out the win.

While there were some good moments for Swanson in the fight, Fili still feels he did more than enough to secure the victory, even as he wallowed in disappointment for how he performed that night.

“I’m really happy with the win,” Fili told recently The MMA Hour. “I believe I won the fight. I actually went back and watched the fight and it was less close than I think people were saying. It was less close than I even felt, and when I got done with the fight, I felt confident that I won the fight.

“I landed the cleaner shots. I dictated the pace of the fight. I controlled range even though he was closing in. I’m dealing with a crafty, tricky, awkward dangerous veteran and I’m controlling every minute of the fight. I know I did enough to win the fight, but I didn’t perform to the level that I wanted to perform at.”

Regardless of the win, Fili admits he was down in the dumps initially, but his coaches and even UFC matchmaker Sean Shelby told him he was crazy to feel bad about that fight.

Fili says he’ll always express his true emotions after a fight, and in that moment, he was really displeased with his showing against Swanson.

“I was incredibly unhappy,” Fili said. “This is the thing — a lot of people might not come out and admit this, but I can’t fake the funk. If you like me, I appreciate it, and if you don’t like me, I understand, there’s plenty of things not to like. F*ck you, but I get it. But you’re always going to get me. It’s always going to be me. I can’t fake the funk. I can’t come out there and be like, ‘I’m the f*cking man.’ The truth is if I feel like that after a fight, where I feel like I’m the best ‘45er in the world — because I do believe that — if I feel that way after the fight, I’ll say it.

“But if I feel after the fight that I didn’t perform to the best of my ability, I’ll say that too. I just keep it real. I’m always going to give people the authentic version of myself. That’s how I felt. I got done with my fight and all my coaches are like, ‘What the f*ck is wrong with you?’ I’m just not happy with myself.”

It wasn’t until he returned home that Fili forced himself to watch the fight to assess his performance after letting his emotions cool off for a couple of days.

That’s when he was finally able to gain a new perspective on the fight.

“I was f*cking dreading watching,” Fili said. “I didn’t want to watch it. My girlfriend Melissa was like, ‘Put the fight on,’ and I was like, ‘I would really rather sit here and watch Bob’s Burgers and each chips and salsa and f*cking Mochi and relax and not watch this.’

“Shout out to my girlfriend Melissa, she goes, ‘Put the f*cking fight on and watch it.’ So I put the fight on and watched it, and halfway through the second [round], I look at her and I’m like, ‘Not that bad! We did alright. Cub is f*cking hard to fight.’

Because he has such high expectations every time he completes, Fili can’t reconcile with a less than stellar night at the office, which is how he felt once UFC 303 was done.

A little bit of distance and perspective from the fight helped, but Fili still knows he’s capable of so much more.

“I wanted a dominant win,” Fili said. “I did enough to win and I think the judges got it right. But I wasn’t happy with myself after the fight. I’m my own hardest critic. I was in my head after the fight. I was really frustrated with myself. I was really disappointed. I felt a little ashamed. Just being candid, I felt ashamed. I felt I had let myself down a bit with my performance.

“Now that gone back and watched the fight twice, I’m actually pretty happy with the performance but in the moment, I was really down on myself.”