Arsenal told to ‘be more PSG’ as they are ‘boring’

Arsenal and the rest of the Premier League are boring one journalist while another wants Liverpool to drop their captain.

As usual, there is a whole heap of nonsense but we begin with some particularly egregious nonsense…

Cross words
Mediawatch understands the concept that Reach owns many websites (including the Mirror, Star, Express and a plethora of ‘local’ newspaper sites) so it makes sense to replicate much of that content. That is simply good business sense.

But when the Daily Star Chief Sports Writer Jeremy Cross (Leeds fan, Manchester United ‘expert’, unsettling combination) writes that Liverpool should drop Virgil van Dijk in a column littered with as many spelling errors as nonsense statements, maybe don’t just mindlessly press the ‘publish on Liverpool Echo‘ button?

Even if we ignore the many spelling errors – Dango Outarra plays for Branford, apparently – there remains a truly ridiculous argument that Liverpool should drop their captain.

And at no point does Cross suggest who Liverpool might play instead of the man who ‘looked a pale imitation of his firmer self’. Presumably Joe Gomez, who has not started a Premier League game in 2025.

Oh and spare a thought for ‘new signing Milos Kerkez, who resembles a rabbit in the headlights when it comes to dealing with the frantic pace of English football’.

Yes, it must be quite the culture shock; the pace was so much slower on the south coast.

Mediawatch: The remix
As we wrote in June, the first time the Daily Telegraph rolled out Jim White to bemoan that ‘now Boxing Day is a goner’:

We look forward to June 2026, when White will presumably write hundreds of words about the triumphant return of a great ‘tradition’ when every single Premier League game is scheduled for Boxing Day.

Not because a few old old-timers spat out their dummies, but because it’s a Saturday.

Is the Premier League now really boring?
Talking of old-timers, the Daily Telegraph‘s Jason Burt is here with a hot take that we imagine he might have pitched as ‘the Premier League is sh*t, isn’t it?’

It’s just a shame that nobody countered with ‘but this weekend was pretty good, Jason; there were 32 goals including two 3-2s and a 4-2, maybe save it’ but here we are.

He claims ‘there has been a worrying celebration of more direct football this season – as if that is a good thing – and a gleeful declaration that this is how the game should be played. And even that it is more exciting. We are expected to laud players with long throws and swoon over those who block off opponents at corners’.

Has there been ‘swooning’, Jason? We have not seen any ‘swooning’. What we have read – and maybe written – is that football can be played many different ways and the best teams have more than one strength. We think you may have constructed yourself a straw man before popping to the shop for matches.

Burt bemoans the fact that Arsenal have scored so many set-piece goals – it ‘does not feel right’ apparently – after a weekend when Eberechi Eze scored what was technically a set-piece goal but actually involved Gabriel making a complete hash of his own header and the England man lashing home a tremendous half-volley. Hardly a Nicolas Jover special.

Oh and citing Matty Cash scoring ‘from a well-worked Aston Villa corner routine against Manchester City on Sunday’ is a generous description of a corner meant for somebody else which Cash intercepted with a poor first touch before swinging his ‘wrong’ foot. Well-worked, my arse.

Burt continues: ‘Little wonder that Telegraph Sport columnist Jamie Carragher has described Arsenal centre-half Gabriel Magalhães as the “most influential player in the league” right now. Why? Because he is the most effective at set-pieces.’

And also because he is a ‘colossus at the back’, ‘he’s the leader for that team’ and ‘he’s the best defender in the team that’s got the best defensive numbers’. We actually read the Carragher column and not just the headline.

Burt is right that the average number of goals per game is lower this season but it’s only been nine games and one pretty considerable factor is that there aren’t three newly promoted teams absolutely haemorrhaging goals. Is the Premier League now boring because Southampton are not being battered every week?

Worryingly, the amount of time the ball is actually in play – a key factor in the governing bodies thinking about value for money and entertaining fans – is at its lowest since 2022-23 at just 55 minutes at 12 seconds on average per game.

The lowest since THREE YEARS AGO? Call the tactics police.

‘There needs to be a balance struck,’ says Burt after claiming that it ‘could not, really, be clearer’ that ‘it is not as entertaining’. What is Burt suggesting? Some sort of mandatory change to tactics.

He then ends with a solution…an example for all to follow.

The team that have led the way are the European champions: Paris St-Germain. They are quick, direct at times, and, tellingly, when their wingers get the ball they run at the defenders. They work hard, stretch the play and – still – play through midfield. Not many teams have their vast resources but that is the way modern football should be played.

Yes. That’s it. Teams should copy the actual European champions. With the Ballon d’Or winner and some more of the greatest players in the world, under one of the best coaches in the world, backed by entire billions of pounds, playing in a league which they will probably win by at least a dozen points.

Come on Arsenal. And Villa and Brentford. Be more PSG.

READ: Top 10 things that make no f***ing sense as Premier League enters its chaos era

A thinking man’s supercomputer
Mediawatch cannot resist a supercomputer, though it feels like the mighty power of a supercomputer might be wasted in predicting Arsenal will win the Premier League. Which is why the devil is in the details.

Supercomputer predicts final Premier League table as Arsenal run away with title and Man Utd learn fate

Sorry Manchester United fans, but any cautious optimism about currently being in sixth should be quashed as United ‘learn fate’. Or a ‘predetermined future’, as the dictionary advises.

Never mind those three consecutive victories because ‘the supercomputer thinks it may be a flash in the pan’. We’re not sure we trust a supercomputer that ‘thinks’, especially when it ‘thinks’ that Sunderland will finish below Nottingham Forest.