Brave Liverpool are flying without wings to Premier League title glory

Liverpool fans take great delight in beating Luton – whose best XI is valued at less than the cost of Virgil van Dijk – while Thomas Frank is pinned as the Reds’ next Roy Hodgson…

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On a wing and a prayer

I don’t know definitively that our devices and platforms track us (they most definitely do), but after starting Masters of the Air on Apple+ last month I’ve noticed my YouTube feed slowly fill with archival clips of B-17 bombers, Spitfires and other RAF aircraft of WWII. I gave in one evening and clicked on a video of one such; here was grainy footage of a B-17 flying with utterly massive damage during the Schweinfurt–Regensburg mission, a series of “shuttling” bomb strikes of critical industrial targets over wartime Germany. Several of the engines were aflame, black liquid streamed from the fuselage and the tail fin was missing, some kind of AI narrator told me the landing gear was shot and none of the ailerons were in working order. This impressive instrument of warfare had essentially become a paper glider, at the whim of a passing breeze nevermind the canopies of flak cover in the sky. My thought was, just how valiant the crew aboard, no ?

Brendan Rodgers once remarked that stewardship of Liverpool during his tenure was like constructing an airplane while it was in flight, or something genius like that. What to make of our 2023-24 season then… How exactly does one keep the most highly-tuned and fully-formed of aircraft aloft and ticking over when its wings, instrumentation, rudders and engines are all but completely shorn ? The Luton Town pre-match graphic of an injured Liverpool XI was quite something to behold, yet we carry on because that’s the only flight path there is and the next one points to Wembley.

People get irked because we think it means more. As we spit fumes to see out Luton mid-week (while lining up names like McConnell, Clark, Danns, Quansah, Bradley– with a backup goalkeeper to boot), Chelsea are sat in their shiny, shiny hanger with their billion dollar teamsheet, over a week to pore and prepare for us, pitching a new coat of paint on their shiny, shiny wings. My thought is, how valiant are we regardless Sunday’s outcome ?

Eric, Los Angeles CA

Brave Liverpool

Can we please put Liverpool’s win last night into perspective. Dave Tickner is right in his copy when he said that results mean more than performance. But let’s do the math. Last night Liverpool started with THREE players that would be in the first 11. THREE, that equals 27.3%. That means that 72.7% of the team were backup.

Yes, they may train together, and Yes, they are all professionals but when almost ¾ of the team have not played together it may take a while to get going. So, to run out 4-1 winners against a team that is FIGHTING for its life, I think was a good result AND performance

Kindest regards

Ian Hewison

…What a win that was last night, what a team, what’s squad, what a manager, what fans, what atmosphere what other club in world football feels like that on nights like these?

But I digress. Football and opinions eh? Everyone ‘as em, and as the Buddha never said – spends their whole lives annoying everyone with them.

But last night my eyes told me, we’re doing this with a team of world class talent available to us, “so does everyone!” They cry, Arsenal, Newcastle, Sheffield United, “you’re no worse off” etc etc

But to look at it objectively and play a game who was missing and is it the same as everyone else?

Using transfermarket values we were missing

Allisson – 32m

Matip – 8m

Trent – 70m

Bacjetic – 11m

Thiago – 10m

Szoboszlai- 70m

Curtis – 30m

Jota – 50m

Salah – 65m

Nunez – 65m

Doak – 10m

That’s a total team of 420m approximate worth of market value not available tonight and we did that.

Can anyone beat that this year for a game (expect for City of course who operate by different rules to everyone else,) but you know, real clubs and that?

Go on, have a go and if you do them fair play you deserve your opinion, if not then, go boil your heads.

Dave LFC

Alonso’s options

The obvious choice for Xabi is to go to Bayern. That’s the objectively correct move if the goal is to win as many things as possible.

The second most obvious choice is to stay a year in Leverkusen. This one is higher risk, higher reward. Spend a year with the team you had, minus a piece or three, fight and probably lose the title to whoever shows up at Bayern, but most importantly, have a good showing in the Champions League, and Xabi is set up to manage Madrid or Spain.

I reckon Liverpool is a solid third. It’s a brilliant job, but has all sorts of potential poison pills associated. That’s reality.

This, of course, all changes if Bayern do their usual thing and come from way back to win the league despite appearing to be an utter mess for most of the season. As they’ve done about half of the last ten years.

Then Xabi would be a perfect fit at Liverpool.

F*ck.

Andrew M, let Klopp win, Streatham

Read more: Five reasons why Xabi Alonso should choose Bayern Munich over Liverpool

The next Roy, to be Frank

To Steve H – I too like Thomas Frank, but his underdog football would be entirely unsuitable at Anfield.

He would be another Hodgson *shudder*!

His achievements with Brentford are laudable but the playing style makes a poor audition for the Liverpool job.

Vinny, LFC

Stewie bingo card

Here we go, get your bingo cards at the ready because Arsenal have lost and it can only mean one thing…..Stewie Griffin Bingo.

If you have any of these on your card be sure to let us know if you get a line or a full house.

“I said once Arsenal need a striker”

“I said many times Jesus is a liability”

“I always say Jesus wasn’t trusted by Pep”

“I can’t say enough Havertz is a waste of money”

“Spent how much?!”

“I can’t stop saying Arteta is out of his depth”

“The Arsenal fans I imagine are deluded”

“These imaginary Arsenal fans arrogance bites them on the arse again”

“One good run against bad teams makes Arsenal fans think they are the best to ever play the game”

“These mythical Arsenal fans had already all got Champions League winners tattoos on their faces”

“Did I say Zinchenko is rubbish?”

“Mentally weak”

“Arsene Wenger lol”

“4th place trophy”

“Open top bus”

“Something something flavour of the week manager (Xabi Alonso currently)”

How did you do? If you’ve won be happy in the knowledge you’ve been reading this mailbox for far too long.

Oh and it’s not a great result, thought it was a strange to play that starting XI but with the handbrake on, double pivot with Jorginho in there would have made more sense if you want to control and defensive solidity. Porto were great tactically and felt like we missed a focal point for our attacks. Lessons need to be learned but I’ve got the faith the home form will hopefully bail us out. As always though it’s the hope that kill you….

Lee AFC Bristol

Eyes down, here’s Stewie

A note of caution to Arsenal fans: it’s all well and good beating fodder like West Ham 6-0, and the 5-0 walkover of a struggling Palace.

It’s always hilarious to see Arsenal fans continually talk up their team in such OTT fashion after mini-runs of form. However, much like you just know the slapstick waiter is going to trip over his own shoelaces and drop that Michelin-starred main, Arsenal never disappoint!

For proper context, Porto are currently the weakest they’ve been for seasons. They conceded 3 goals and were given a chasing by Arouca just last week (prize to anyone here who can name a single outfield Arouca player?) Thought not. Porto’s centre half is Pepe – I had to check and make sure it isn’t the same Pepe that used to be a walking red card at Real Madrid 15 years ago but…yup, that’s him. Pepe is FORTY years old and has zero pace. Mind you…Pepe could have pulled up a chair, as he will not have an easier evening. Nothing, no threat. Martinelli has pace but naturally, the manager’s schoolboy tactics nullified that advantage.

Just last week we had the usual assortment of deluded Arsenal jesters using tiny sample sizes to come out with pristine bollocks such as “looks like we don’t need a striker eh” etc 🙄. It was always going to be a short matter of time for this braggadocio to look ridiculous. Oh dear, losing to Porto – not even currently in the two two of the Portuguese league? Wow. More worrying for Arsenal fans was that this defeat was reminiscent of the away collapses at St James, at Villa Park and at Fulham. Basically, Arsenal could have played for 500 minutes and there’s no chance they would have scored a goal. Considering how much Arteta has spent on attackers, that’s a bloody disgrace.

Arsenal fans never, ever learn. To be clear, they’ve spent twenty seasons telling the world that they are “the real deal this time”, but those of us with functioning brains can clearly see that Arsenal can not possibly win the PL, or CL.

I could go into Arteta’s disastrous, shambolic tactics. You have a “Young team” (as Gooners remind us endlessly) but the manager wasn’t intelligent enough to devise a plan to isolate Porto’s geriatric centre half, or slow defence. Arsenal fans spent weeks having stupid arguments over “Saka world class” 🥱. Saka is a magnificent footballer, no question. But Foden has all the medals, and for Saka to make that elite leap, he needs to win the big trophies aka PL and/or CL. That won’t ever happen at Arsenal, and Saka probably knows this already. I remember Robin Van Persie and Fabregas saying something similar?

Arsenal can get away with playing a £65m statue at Burnley (no disrespect intended), but Arteta displays the height of arrogance in his own abilities by thinking he can get away with playing an immobile dummy with all the speed of a crustacean masturbating underwater, in a CL last 16 knockout – away from home. You’re not that good a manager, Mikel. That was ridiculous.

Twenty seasons (and counting) of failure but the arrogance and puffed-out chests never cease. I could also point out how easily Porto mapped out a blueprint to snuff Arsenal from wide areas, where absolutely nothing happened with the full backs or the attacking wide players. And the manager had no answers to this basic conondrum. Perhaps he thought it was Roy Hodgson in the Porto dugout?!

It is clear that Arteta f***d up the summer window with that £65m Havertz vanity purchase. Was obvious then and even more stark now that Arsenal are clearly short on quality options in attack. Trossard anonymous.

Meanwhile, Klopp has the mother of all injury crises but he’s racked up back to back wins in the PL and extended his lead at the top. Yet Arsenal fans are still telling us all that it was “one Saliba injury” that led to them choking like a casual diner at a Mexican buffet with a pinto bean stuck down his throat, last season. 😂🙄

Klopp didn’t have £200m to spend over summer but somehow, he’s competing.

So as usual, natural balance restored. Of course, Arsenal should scrape past geriatric Pepe at home in the return leg (not a given) but there’s more than enough evidence to suggest Arsenal are out of their depth when it comes to the business end of not only the PL, but also the CL. You absolutely do Not want to see Arsenal face a Madrid, Inter or even this awful version of Bayern, over two legs. It would be X-rated.

Stewie Griffin (Twenty year sample size > Twenty days)

​The problem with Dan Ashworth​

I’d like to know where Ash is getting the idea that Dan Ashworth is a long term appointment or what their definition of long term is?

Nowhere in his career has he stayed for what I would call long term.

What he does is he gets in, sets a standard/framework and leaves for greener pastures. He’s doing the same to Newcastle as what he’s done to the FA And Brighton.

He’ll do the same to United when someone else comes calling.

Culk The Younger

Who needs Mourinho? We’ve got Mousinho?

In a Will Smith manner: “Keep my managers name out of your mouth”!!

Please, please god at least let us get out of League 1 before touting Super John as the next Luton manager. I’m sure every Pompey fan is already terrified we are going to mess up the next 12 games or get a random points deduction and we don’t need lots of speculation around John Mousinho distracting the players!!

Pompey Stew

Read more: Predicting every Premier League club’s next manager: Arteta to Manchester City, Simeone at Newcastle

Fragile egos

I don’t post much to the mailbox so apologies if something similar has been discussed recently, but does anyone have any genuine insights as to why dressing rooms are so fragile these days?

I ponder this on the back of Tuchel and Bayern Munich, with him barely making it past half a season without the team imploding. Now it’s been a while since I played football so I’m not much of an authority on dressing room dynamics, but doesn’t it all seem a bit flaky? I mean, I don’t want to sound all archaic by making a bunch of outdated ‘back in the day’ references, but what else is there to pin on this hilariously paper-thin line that exists in football between unfettered harmony and complete breakdown?

Has football now reached a point where success can only be achieved if everyone in a particular club, team or organisation 100% agrees with each other and 100% likes everyone else? Is it game over if (God forbid) two players in the team don’t particularly like one another? Or a player thinks the gaffer is a bit of a n*b sometimes? It’s starting to feel that way.

Marc, MCFC, Bolton.

Pep Guardiola with Kalvin Phillips and Rodri

Fat shaming

I’d just like to issue a response to your “fervent critic” Yopauli Swinetown.

To save you from agonising over hypotheticals, I can present you with a pretty relevant case study from the real world. Two South African national cricketers, one male and one female were both dropped from their respective national squads around the same time due to being overweight and failing to fulfil predetermined fitness requirements in order to be selected.

Since the nature of the sport is obviously very different to football, the public discourse surrounding this issue was whether or not this was a fair criteria if the players could prove themselves capable of fulfilling a role and contributing meaningfully to the team, even if they could not run 2 kilometers in under 8 minutes. The least relevant aspect of the debate was the gender of either player.

Unless you have been living under a rock, it would be impossible to have missed that women’s football has come on in leaps and bounds in terms of being acknowledged and promoted in recent years (and has been an actual professional sport sans recognition for much longer) and long may that continue! Of course they have fitness standards and of course it would be relevant for a manager to comment on this should they fail to meet them.

I hope this helps.

Lawrence (by all means continue to give the bald Rodri-reliant fraud a kicking) SA

…Don’t even know where to start with that Yopaulie Swinetown email so I’ll just say Yopaulie sort your head out and stay off the Andrew Tate videos

Seamus

…Yopaulie, Swinetown asks whether Pep ‘..got away with this because Kalvin is male?’, presumably after reading the story in any of the multiple outlets which covered it.

These are your words: “..hysteria from the purple haired, pierced section of society.”

(Hysteria – the ancient idea that psychological disorders are caused by a ‘wandering uterus’. Nice one.)

Seems personal and specific but I guess you mean people with a social conscience? Although it sounds a lot like my gran, have you met her? She’s not like that at all.

You know, there’s a word for judging people’s inner qualities by the way they look?

Anyway it’s hard to tell exactly who you’re aiming your self-loathing at but based on the overall Richard Keys after a few drinks tone of your missive, I’ll assume you think that sports media is biased against men and that were the situation reversed it would be covered immediately, including by those pinkoes over at the Mail and the S*n. Which is odd because Phillips’ situation got plenty of contemporaneous coverage from those very organs.

Fran Kirby recently went viral stating that body shaming was ‘rife’ in women’s sports yet you don’t include any examples of female athlete body shaming being called out. I’ve done a search for specific examples of it being called out as they happened and can find none. However, lots of articles about how body shaming’s a massive unrecognised problem for female athletes. Olympic swimmer Maddie Groves described it as a “disgusting open secret”.

Women are judged too often on the way they look and a large part of the media feed into this imo.

So, the man got lots of media attention, the women didn’t, yet you claim the opposite. Then pursue a snowflake culture war agenda to undermine and belittle folk highlighting something which causes real distress to actual people. Still, you wouldn’t want to be accused of being one of those purple haired social conscience people would you?

But don’t worry misogyny is alive and well in professional sports. The vast disparity in wages, objectification and focus on what they’re wearing, rape threats and sexualised abuse online, very few female sports journalists, institutional misogyny, old men trying to kiss them and so on.

Beyond this sports were designed by males for males and from kit and boot design through training methods and understanding of physiology (and yes body mass targets created for males) there’s a need for a different approach. One in which training, nutrition etc is designed for female athletes. This is an important issue – Fran Kirby brought it up late last year to widespread applause. Perhaps this is the coverage about female body shaming that’s bothering you?

Let’s finish with Lauren Fleshman, the runner, describing how sports women are ‘at war’ with their bodies.

“A culture of leanness and expectations of linear progression may make sense for bodies that are responding to an influx of testosterone and androgens. Expecting the same of the female body…is not only ignorant, it is also deeply harmful.”

Hartley MCFC Somerset (that joke [3 kids] about Kyle Walker though, amazing. You really are a shining wit.)