Brian Murphy: Who do these Twins think they are?

It’s been 35 years since “Major League” rolled into theaters and had baseball fans and novices rolling in the aisles with pitch-perfect characters and dialogue that made the fictional Cleveland Indians everyone’s kinda team.

Cinema gold for devout movie quoters who know there’s always a line for life’s abstracts and absurdities. 

Psychoanalyzing the 2024 Minnesota Twins conjures scenes of hard-hatted Cleveland dockworkers sifting through the Opening Day roster trying to identify a rogue’s gallery of anonymous castoffs, convicts and crazies.

“Who the &$%@ are these guys?”

Precisely what Minnesota fans must be asking about the team that never ceases to tease and confound. After 69 games, the Twins do not have an identity crisis as much as a crisis of chronic inconsistency.

Halfway through June nobody can claim with confidence that they will overtake the Guardians for the American League Central lead or tumble into fourth place ahead of the pitiful White Sox and finish with a losing record.

Even money it goes either way.

The Twins pivot from dynamically entertaining to completely unwatchable, often during the same week. And totally blacked out in the case of forsaken Comcast subscribers kneeling down before Old Man Potter and the penny pinchers at financially and morally bankrupt Bally Sports operator Diamond Sports Group.

These guys are a hands-up roller coaster of streaky hitting and schedule exploitation. Feasting on the oppressed and flopping against contenders, the Twins find themselves in the postseason conversation without having anything definitive to say.

Not yet anyway.

They answered their 7-13 start with a 12-game winning streak only to follow that up with a seven-game skid and a five-game losing stretch earlier this month that saw Minnesota get outscored 22-11 and swept by their longtime bullies, the New York Yankees.

Which brings us to Thursday’s 6-2 walk-through against Oakland at Target Field, the Twins’ fourth win in their last five games. Good enough to pull within 7 ½ games of nonfiction Cleveland and keep pace with the surging Royals, who have dropped anchor in second place in this confounding division.

Minnesota’s bats and stars are heating up with the weather, but sustaining production through the October chill still seems unlikely against AL frontrunners New York, Baltimore, Cleveland or Seattle.

No matter. It’s been fun to watch on this delirious homestand, which continued with Prince Night, commemorating the 40th anniversary of “Purple Rain.” The 23,229 fans were handed caps and track jackets in honor of the High Priest of Pop.

The kind you find in a second-hand store.

The Twins rapped out 12 singles and Carlos Correa added a two-run homer off woeful Athletics pitching following their historic breakthrough Wednesday against downtrodden Colorado.

After six decades in Minnesota, the Twins pounded out 24 hits and boasted a lineup that collected at least one hit, run and RBI in a single game in roasting the Rockies 17-9.

From one patsy to another the Twins easily exploited the vagabond A’s, who extended their losing streak to six games as part of a 9-28 cooler since May 4.

Meantime, Correa is on a heater at the plate. He went 3-for-4 with three RBIs and is hitting .552 with an OPS of 1.283 in his last seven games.

Moreover, the Twins finally have Correa, Byron Buxton and Royce Lewis healthy and raking at the same time. The threesome combined for eight hits, five RBIs and four runs against the backpedaling A’s.

“That’s an exciting thought for everyone that’s pulling for our team,” said Twins manager Rocco Baldelli. “It’s a very dynamic trio of guys. Having them all feeling great, playing great at the same time, this is what happens.”

What’s happening in Oakland is just sad.

Let’s pour one out for the green-and-gold dynasties of Rollie Fingers, Reggie Jackson, Rickey Henderson, Jose Canseco and Jason Giambi, not to mention the game-changing “Moneyball” legacy – all of which is being abandoned to the crumbling confines of the Coliseum, scorning heartbroken fans for life.

This weekend is the final visit of the lame-duck Athletics of Oakland, the afterthought franchise that will be making a pitstop in Sacramento after already bugging out of Philadelphia and Kansas City over the last century.

The Bay Area’s stepchild is losing its storied ballclub to the greed and graft of Las Vegas, which has been stealing cash and dreams ever since Bugsy Siegel built the mob’s money laundromat in the desert.

It could take up to four years for the A’s to actually relocate, with owner John Fisher yet to secure stadium financing or get a shovel in the ground in Sin City.

Nevertheless, they are still required to play 162 games this season, including four this weekend in Minneapolis.

Colorado and Oakland, with their combined record of 50-89 and .360 winning percentage, are the only seven games the Twins play at Target Field in June. They had better make some hay against these hacks if they want to gain any consistency or confidence with a fan base as perplexed as any.

“I don’t abide the thought of where we’re at in the schedule or who we’re playing; I really don’t,” Baldelli insisted. “I have to be honest about that, because if we play good, we feel like we can play with and beat any team that we’re playing against.”

Who the &$%@ do these guys think they are?