Every Savage Joke Nikki Glaser Cut From Her Golden Globes Monologue

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Nikki Glaser Delivers Savage Jokes She Cut From 2025 Golden Globes Monologue to Howard Stern

Many expected Nikki Glaser to go full roast-mode at the 2025 Golden Globes, but the comedian is getting rave reviews from critics and viewers alike for her slightly tamer opening monologue.

Those fans of Glaser’s more savage jokes shouldn’t fear, however. While she wasn’t too brutal in the room at The Beverly Hilton in Los Angeles on Sunday, January 5, Glaser didn’t hold back when delivering the jokes that didn’t make the cut during an appearance on SiriusXM’s The Howard Stern Show on Monday, January 6.

“The Golden Globes is the only show where you can see the biggest stars and movies and television joined together with the same goal — getting out of here tonight before Dax Shepard asked them to do his podcast,” Glaser began from the list of jokes she called the “Stern file,” which she worked on in the writer’s room. “This is the last time all of you will be in the same room together until the Diddy trial.”

Stern subsequently stopped Glaser because he couldn’t believe she didn’t make the joke about Diddy.

Nikki Glaser. Sonja Flemming/CBS
“We had another Diddy mention that works better and led us to more other jokes,” she replied, referring to her joke included in the broadcast; “Zendaya is here. Zendaya, you were incredible in Dune [2]. Oh, my God, I woke up for all of your scenes. You were so good. And Challengers, girl? It was so good. I mean, that movie was more sexually charged than Diddy’s credit card. “Oh, I’m upset too. The afterparty’s not going to be good this year. But, we have to move on. A Stanley Tucci freak-off just doesn’t have the same ring to it. No baby oil this year, just lots of olive oil.”

Talking to Stern, Glaser explained why she opted for the version of the joke she told on CBS: “But that [cut] one was so fun, and it was so nice to be like, ‘I’ll just tell it to Stern anyway.’ And that one you don’t want to do, because it’s like you’re accusing the people of that room of being involved in that, and they might turn on you.”

Keep scrolling for more wild jokes that Glaser opted not to perform at the Globes:

A Moment for Luigi Mangione

Luigi Mangione. XNY/Star Max/GC Images
“Glen Powell is nominated tonight for Hit Man. Who would have thought that by the end of the year, you’d only be the second hottest hit man in America,” Glaser said before revealing, “And that one we didn’t do because people Luigi was a big deal for a while, and then it kind of faded and took a while for people to get it.”

Coming for the Catholic Church

“I love Conclave, and I think it’s about the cardinals choosing a new pope. And I think everyone should see it. It was so heartwarming. Honestly, it’ll touch you so much that the church will have to move it to another theater. Conclave is rated PG, bring the kids. They’ll love it. The Catholic Church will love it. Hot tip, you don’t need ID to get into the Conclave afterparty,” Glaser said, noting that she felt “Catholic Church pedophile jokes” are played out.

A Twist on the Adrien Brody Joke

Adrien Brody. Taylor Hill/FilmMagic
“Oh, look, it’s two-time Holocaust survivor, Adrien Brody,” Glaser said during the show, but the original quip was more detailed. “If Adrian Brody could go back in time, he would thank baby Hitler for his career.” When Stern asked if he broke her heart that she couldn’t deliver that quip, Glaser explained that her assistant didn’t understand it.

“My assistant is Gen Z, and she was like, ‘I don’t get it.’ And we’re like, ‘Well, there’s this whole thing where you could, if you have a time machine, you go back and kill Hitler and you prevent the Holocaust.’ And so it’s like, oh, we’re gonna lose a whole demo of people that don’t know. And then I just said Hitler for nothing,” she said.

An ‘Only Murders’ Jab

Meryl Streep and Martin Short in ‘Only Murders in the Building.’ Disney/Patrick Harbron
“Only Murders in the Building is amazing. And I think it’s so cool that legends like Steve Martin, Martin Short, Meryl Streep, we’re still at it, putting up some of the best performances of their careers, and it’s so inspiring,” Glaser said. “And it just goes to show you, you are never too old to still need money. Guys, please don’t fight Jake Paul, please don’t do it. Why are you still working so hard? Did you get caught up in Hawk Tuah girl’s crypto scheme?”

A Self-Deprecating Joke

“Amy Adams is nominated for her performance in Night Bitch, while I was totally snubbed for my performance in ‘Day Slut,’” Glaser, who is known for poking fun at herself in her sets. “The documentary category is tough, though, by the way, Night Bitch is what Diddy hears every evening before it lights out.”

A Nicole Kidman Gag

Nicole Kidman. Amy Sussman/Getty Images
“The Wild Robot is nominated tonight. And by that, I mean Nicole Kidman after two white wines,” Glaser said, noting she wishes she could’ve told that joke but wasn’t sure of Kidman’s reaction. “If she makes a face, then … [but] I think she would have been cool with it.”

Back to Ben

Affleck seemed to be on the brain. “[I almost said], like, ‘Am I gonna roast or am I gonna toast? You know what? I’m not roasting. I’m gonna toast.’ And I just did all these toasts that were roasts. Like, ‘Here’s to Ben Affleck, I can’t wait to see which Jennifer you try to ruin next,’” Glaser said. “And I argued like, ‘Oh, I didn’t say ruin them. I said he tried to ruin them so it’s not against them.’ But I was like, ‘That would have been insane.’”

A Cocaine Quip

“Denzel Washington is here. The only thing that has convinced more middle aged men they could pull off an earring than Denzel Washington is cocaine. Kate Winslet is a lot like cocaine. She’s white. She’s always with Leonard DiCaprio, and I can’t wait to find her at the after party tonight,” Glaser said.

A More Savage Bob Dylan Joke

Timothee Chalamet. Taylor Hill/FilmMagic
Glaser shared a different version of the Timothee Chalamet/Bob Dylan joke she told at the show. “To sound like Bob Dylan, Timothée Chalamet took years of vocal lessons because, apparently, that’s how long it takes to learn to smoke 40,000 cigarettes. Timothée took lessons in guitar, dialect movement and vocals to become Bob Dylan, while Bob Dylan became Bob Dylan the old-fashioned way – heroin and autism,” Glaser said, leading Stern to burst into laughter. “Undiagnosed, but come on now, a lot of songs about trains.”

‘Wicked’ x ‘Queer’

“Daniel Craig is nominated for his performance in Queer, which is a movie and not just what my uncle Chuckie calls Wicked,” she quipped.

She Spared Nic

“Nicolas Cage is here tonight looking well-rested after a night of sleeping in Elvis’s coffin,” Glaser said, leading to more laughs from Stern. “Nicolas Cage is here, and so is the band of skeletons that follows him playing Ragtime jazz.”

A ‘Rust’ Roast

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Alec Baldwin. John Lamparski/Getty Images
“Please know that I know this is not nice,” Glaser began before launching into the joke: “Michael Keaton was so great in Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice and Alec Baldwin, sadly, did not come back to play a ghost because he was too busy making them.” She added that the joke was “too mean” and she didn’t want to “retraumatize” Baldwin.

A Tab Into Politics

“The film Anora is nominated for four awards tonight. It’s been called the most unflinching look at sex work since Matt Gaetz’s payment history,” Glaser joked.

A Final Blow

“Squid Games is a show where people starve themselves while ruthlessly competing for the ultimate prize. Oh, wait, no, sorry that’s this show,” she said. “I saw Joker 2 and, you know, it reminded me of when the first Joker came out and I was in the theaters and I was afraid someone was going to shoot it up. And then during Joker 2, I was really hoping they would.”