Girl’s Girl: What Does It Mean to Be One?

What does being a Girl’s Girl mean to you? For Noa Bruser, a 25-year-old content creator in Vancouver, Canada, it’s simple.

“A Girl’s Girl doesn’t see other women as competition and wants to see other women succeed,” she tells me.

When Bruser first saw the term on TikTok about a year ago, she related to it immediately. Bruser has always gravitated towards being friends with women over men, and these days she invests heavily into her relationships with her small circle of close gal pals. For Bruser, these relationships mean everything.

“I deeply value the understanding that female friendships provide,” she says. “Healthy relationships between women can enhance life so much, and I truly believe friends can also be soulmates. My friends support me and never judge me while being honest and open. I hope to do the same for them.”

If you’ve been online over the past few months, you’ve probably heard the term Girl’s Girl thrown around—a lot. Your best friend may be a Girl’s Girl. Your sister is a Girl’s Girl. Your favorite TV character is a Girl’s Girl (see this clip? Here’s the proof). This reality television star is a Girl’s Girl, but this one definitely is not. (Scheana Shay, I’m looking at you). When Bachelor contestants Daisy and Kelsey held hands on the way to the final rose in this season’s finale, HerCampus declared it “the Girl’s’ Girl representation TV needed.” Betches ranked the women contestants from Love Is Blind from most to least Girl’s Girl, with Clay’s mom (duh) coming in the lead. (Sarah Ann? Dead last).

Calling someone a Girl’s Girl is nothing new. As someone who favors friendships with women over men, I’ve described myself as such for years. But the term has taken over the zeitgeist in a new—and interesting—way. Now, it seems every woman in pop culture is being called a Girl’s Girl for this or that, or having it thrown around as an insult if they say or do the wrong thing. Take Millie Bobbie Brown, who was labeled to be “not a Girl’s Girl” after she spoke in an interview about preferring to hang out with her fiancé’s friends.

“Eep not a Girl’s Girl alert,” wrote one person in the comments of a TikTok clip of the video. “Hope she grows out of it and fosters genuine female friendships as it’s very important for growth.”

It’s unclear why the term has blown up so much recently, but it could be due to the fact that labeling yourself this or that “girl” is a popular thing on TikTok (Girl Dinner, Hot Girl Walks, Girl Math). We are, after all, in the continuation of the year of the girl and girl culture. What was next but literally Girl Squared?

But I suspect that it’s more likely the Girl’s Girl phenomenon is a response to another term that took over TikTok recently: the dreaded Pick Me.

“A girl who is a Pick Me has internalized misogyny and puts down other women for male validation,” says Yazmin, a 20-year-old California college student who is also a part-time content creator. (She notes that she doesn’t particularly like calling a woman a Pick Me.)

The term Pick Me is also not an original concept (it originated from this iconic Grey’s Anatomy scene). It is something that women have used to denigrate each other for years, from your new boyfriend’s aggressive “best girl friend” to that girl who “prefers to be friends with men.”

But online, young women have begun to explore how they may have been culturally ingrained to be, well, Pick Mes. The societal pressure to always defer to or side with the men in the room is real, and insidious internalized misogyny can be a strong drug for many teenagers.

Video after video explores how Pick Me girls are “annoying,” “desperate,” and ultimately, the antithesis of feminism. The creators are often being funny in their descriptions of the actions of a Pick Me, but can also slide into snark or even bullying.

That’s unfortunate because, as Yazmin notes, many women have acted Pick Me-esque in their lives, especially when they are young. She looks back at her own Pick Me moments now and cringes.

“I feel like the term has been overused and any girl who is deemed as slightly annoying is now called a Pick Me and it has the opposite effect and turns women against one another,” she says.

The Girl’s Girl trend is meant to be the antithesis to that. Creators who make jokes and skits about Girl’s Girls say they are hoping to change the conversation, focusing on positive interactions among women instead of tearing each other down.

“A Pick Me could become a Girl’s Girl by understanding that the reason girls seek male validation is because we live in a patriarchal society and the only way to dismantle this structure is by unifying and uplifting women as a collective,” says Yazmin.

After all, the problem isn’t other women. It’s the patriarchy.

“Traditionally, women have been pitted against each other in various aspects of life, fostering competitiveness and undermining unity,” she says. “The term Girl’s Girl challenges this notion by promoting collaboration over competition. It encourages women to celebrate each other’s successes and achievements rather than viewing them as threats or rivals.”

Bruser says she’s also glad to see more Girl’s Girl than Pick Me content on her FYP recently. She says she felt the snarky videos were becoming saturated, and she didn’t like how they depict women as “jealous, selfish, and insecure.”

“The Pick Me girl is motivated by shallow thinking and it makes her bitter and passive aggressive,” she says. “I can only speak for myself but I’m tired of seeing women painting the same way over and over in a negative light.”

She’s also quick to note that these designations are not for life. A caterpillar of a Pick Me can spread its wings, shake off the patriarchy, and morph into a beautiful, Girl’s Girl butterfly. In fact, that’s the goal.

“I think it’s easy to fall into selfish behaviors especially when you’re young,” she says. “But with growing up you realize how valuable your friendships and relationships really are.”

She adds: “Anyone can become a Girl’s Girl in my opinion!”

Stephanie McNeal is a senior editor at Glamour and the author of Swipe Up for More! Inside the Unfiltered Lives of Influencers.