Haaland hammers back-to-back hat-tricks, breaking records and maybe the league itself
We are entering the realm of the absurd. If we havenât already been there for two years already.
The point feels closer than ever when Erling Haaland just becomes too much. Itâs too ludicrous an advantage to have him, especially when you are Manchester City and already have so many other advantages.
He continues to set massive records and also trivial yet impressive ones that it had never previously occurred to you might exist; heâs now set a new record for most Premier League goals scored in the first three games of a season with seven. Edin Dzeko managed six in 2011/12 and nobody else has managed more than five. Which is, to be clear, a lot of goals to have scored after three games of the season.
Separate Haalandâs goals from the rest of Cityâs for a moment (indulge us) and he is currently outscoring every single Premier League team.
This was his second Premier League hat-trick and his eighth in just his 69th Premier League game. Only Sergio Aguero, Alan Shearer and Robbie Fowler now stand above him on that list. Heâs been here barely five minutes. This hat-trick brings him level with Harry Kane (320 Premier League games), Thierry Henry (254 Premier League games) and Michael Owen (326 Premier League games).
He has scored two Premier League hat-tricks before August is out for the second time in three seasons. Itâs ridiculous. He is ridiculous.
Itâs hard to know precisely what West Ham are expected to have done differently here on their way to a 3-1 defeat, although one thing to consider would admittedly have been ânot lose possession carelessly 40 yards from your own goalâ for the opener. Itâs rarely an advisable strategy against anyone, but against City the punishment rate is higher and harsher.
Haaland had by this point already missed his obligatory sitter, miscuing an early header, but there felt little doubt about where this chance would end up as he raced on to the ball and stroked it calmly into the corner.
The Hammers, to their own surprise as much as anyone elseâs, equalised when a Jarrod Bowen cross was diverted past Ederson by Ruben Dias when under no real pressure.
Didnât feel like it would matter, and it didnât. Haaland was soon lashing a second past Alphonse Areola with absurd power.
It wasnât quite the classic, archetypal Haaland performance in the first half. He was slightly more involved in the build-up play than youâd want for Peak Haaland, but the second half was more like it.
City slowed the game to walking pace for large periods after the break. West Ham tried to hit them. There was one lightning break that ended with Mohammed Kudus smashing a shot against the post but it always felt like City could score as and when they wished to do so. Had West Ham made the mistake of equalising you always sensed they would be punished for their impertinence.
This was Haaland at his outrageous best, though. The times when he barely figures in the play at all, ambling round somehow even slower than the pace his team-mates have reduced the game to until he gets that slight sniff of a chance.
He was loping around the West Ham half around 15 yards offside when he sensed something here as the clock ticked down, drifting back with exquisite timing to get back onside just in time to surge clear of the defence and clip the ball over Lukasz Fabianski, who had replaced Areola at half-time.
The upshot of this near bloodless victory over a West Ham side that will prove fiendishly difficult for some very, very good teams this season is that City have already hit the front. They are only team â at least until Liverpool travel to Manchester United tomorrow â with nine points from nine and, thanks to their giant goal machine already have a sizeable goal-difference advantage.
Itâs too much to say this day â a day that is, letâs remember, still in August â is already a decisive one in the title race. But with Arsenal dropping points at home and City easing away from a good side on the road it only feels very slightly too much.
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