I Am A First-Time Mom Who Recently Had A Baby, And These Are 16 Realities I Wasn’t Prepared For

There were times when I couldn’t soothe my own baby, and that feels absolutely terrible.

When Ellie was 5 weeks old, we moved in with my family for a month to get out of the city and have some extra helping hands. Around this same time, things got really, really hard. For about three weeks, Ellie was very hard to settle. Everything I read online said that newborn fussiness peaks around this time, but “fussy” didn’t quite seem to describe the situation. “Hysterical” or “inconsolable” would have been more appropriate, especially during the consistent witching hours of 5–7 p.m. Around week 7, I called the pediatrician to ask if Ellie might have colic, only to be told that she was just being a newborn baby. Classic first-time mom over here!

I needed to remind myself over and over again that babies cry…a lot. It’s their only way of expressing themselves. Whether they want to tell you they’re tired or hungry or hot or cold or have a belly ache, crying is their only method of communicating.

And here’s the thing: There is nothing that sucks more than not being able to soothe your own baby. And on top of that, every minute your baby is crying feels exponentially longer. I remember my husband and I once timed one of her pre-bedtime fits. I would have sworn she was crying for two and a half hours straight, but according to the clock, it was only 15 minutes. The rules of time don’t apply when you’re trying to calm a crying newborn, especially when nothing you’re doing is working. These were certainly some of the hardest moments of motherhood.

Making “mom friends” was so important.

I’m so lucky to have good friends in all different stages of life: some single and dating, some planning weddings, and others settled down in the suburbs with babies or older kids. But I didn’t realize how important it would be to make friends with other first-time moms who were simultaneously experiencing the same thrills, joys, and challenges of parenthood.

I had a handful of acquaintances who became mothers around the same time I did, and these women have since become very close friends. Going through pregnancy and childbirth around the same time formed a sort of innate bond. It was such a source of comfort, being able to reach out to these women for any issue, big or small, without judgment. We were there to help one another through anything (at first around the clock, since we were all constantly awake). It was so reassuring to have these women I could entirely relate to. While many of my other friends would text our group thread about an impromptu Sunday brunch or a last-minute happy hour, these “mom friends” understood why these activities were a thing of the past for the time being.