I Forbade My Husband’s Daughter to Live With Us Unless She Obeys My Rules

Sarah never thought she’d be here, but she needs some advice. She’s feeling like the villain in her own home, and she’s not sure if what she did was right or wrong. She wrote to our editorial team to get feedback if she was doing the right thing. Here’s her story.

Sarah asked her stepdaughter to follow some rules for a healthy environment at home.

Sarah is married to a wonderful man, Mark, who has a 16-year-old daughter, Emma, from a previous marriage. Emma has been living with them full-time for the past six months. Initially, Sarah was excited about the prospect of growing closer to Emma, but things haven’t gone as planned. Emma’s a smart, strong-willed teenager, and they’ve clashed on several issues—mostly about house rules.

Sarah wrote, “From the beginning, I made it clear that there were certain expectations in our home. I believe in having a structured environment with clear rules to help everyone get along.” These rules are:

Before, her stepdaughter never followed any rules when she lived with her mom.

Emma was used to a more relaxed environment at her mom’s place, and from day one, she resisted Sarah’s rules. At first, it was little things—leaving dirty dishes in the sink or ignoring her chores. Sarah tried to talk to her calmly, explaining why these rules were important for everyone’s well-being, but Emma would just nod and do the bare minimum.

The real trouble started with the curfew. Emma would regularly stay up past midnight on school nights, texting or browsing social media. This affected her mood and performance in school. When Sarah tried to enforce the 10 PM bedtime, Emma argued back, saying all her friends stayed up later and it wasn’t fair.

Emma yelled at Sarah.

Then there was the screen time rule. Sarah wrote, “Emma’s phone was practically glued to her hand. She’d bring it to the dinner table despite repeated reminders to put it away. One evening, I firmly asked her to put her phone down during dinner. Emma exploded, shouting, “You’re not my mom! You can’t tell me what to do!””

That was the final straw for Sarah. She felt disrespected and undermined. She discussed the situation with Mark, but he was torn. He didn’t like the idea of Emma being upset, but he also understood the need for rules. Unfortunately, he often sided with Emma, making it harder for Sarah to enforce anything consistently.

Sarah gave Emma an ultimatum.

One night, after another argument over chores and curfew, Sarah sat down with Emma. She told her calmly but firmly that these rules were not negotiable. If she couldn’t follow them, they’d have to reconsider her living arrangement. Emma glared at her and said, “Fine, maybe I should just go back to Mom’s then!”

Sarah didn’t want it to come to this, but she also couldn’t keep living in a household where there was no respect for the rules. She told Emma that maybe spending more time at her mom’s would be a good idea until they could all figure things out.

Her stepdaughter made an abrupt decision.

I would ease up a bit. The chores is non negotiable. You all share the house and should all contribute. Screen time and bed time should not be your decision. Her father should have say on that. No phone at the dimmer table is totally reasonable though

Emma packed a bag and left that night to stay with her mom. Mark was heartbroken and blamed Sarah for being too strict. She felt awful but also relieved. The constant tension had been unbearable.

Now, Sarah is left wondering if she did the right thing. She wants to have a good relationship with Emma, but she also believes in maintaining structure and respect in their home. Has anyone been through something similar? How do you balance enforcing rules and maintaining relationships with stepchildren?

Sarah would greatly appreciate any advice or insights on how to navigate this family drama. Your comments on finding a balance between enforcing rules and maintaining a healthy relationship with stepchildren would be invaluable.