I Overruled the Strict Vegan Menu for My Son’s Wedding

Our nuptial day is intended to be one of our most joyous, and carefully organized to mirror our tastes. Nonetheless, Norma perceived her daughter-in-law’s choice of an exclusively vegan menu as inconsiderate, given Norma’s family’s fondness for meat. She intervened and secretly arranged for meat at the wedding without the bride’s consent. This has led to major conflicts, prompting Norma to ask us for guidance.

Norma’s letter:

Hello Norma! Thank you for your letter. We have prepared a few tips we believe can help you navigate this situation.

Pursue empathy and find common ground.

Start a gentle and understanding dialogue with your daughter-in-law. Recognize her views on veganism and apologize for the confusion and trouble caused by adding meat to the menu. Suggest a compromise for future family events, offering both vegan and non-vegan dishes, so everyone feels valued and included.

Say sorry and make things right.

Even though you were initially resistant, consider offering a heartfelt apology to your daughter-in-law for going against her wishes. Show remorse for not respecting her choice and for causing distress on such an important day. Propose making amends by hosting a family dinner or event where she can plan the menu according to her preferences, demonstrating your willingness to support her decisions and reconcile the relationship.

Family mediation and conflict resolution.

Should the disputes continue, propose seeking the help of a neutral facilitator, such as a family counselor or mediator, to aid in steering a meaningful conversation between yourself, your son, and your daughter-in-law. This could offer an organized framework to tackle fundamental issues, clarify any miscommunications, and strive toward restoring trust and harmony within the family.

Establish boundaries and honor differences.

Set explicit boundaries for upcoming family events concerning dietary preferences and other delicate topics. Promote transparent dialogue and mutual respect among family members to avoid future disputes. Highlight the need to respect personal choices while creating a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere for all participants in family gatherings.