I Refuse to Pay My Unemployed Mother-In-Law to Babysit My Kids
Faced with the challenge of balancing childcare needs and familial expectations, a woman is deciding whether itâs appropriateâor even fairâto compensate her mother-in-law for babysitting services. This narrative explores the tension between duty, gratitude, and financial responsibility, highlighting the difficult choices that arise when personal values and family obligations collide.
She explained what happened.
My husband and I have 2 children (3F and 1M).
Until last month, I had a nanny who spent 6 hours a day with my kids while I worked from home. But she decided to stop for personal reasons, and it was unexpected.
My MIL and I donât have a close relationship because she is the typical âmomma bearâ and it took a long time for her to respect our boundaries, we are currently on good terms.
The first week without a babysitter was a mess and my husband told his mother that we were suffering until we found a babysitter, and she said she could help since she was dismissed from the service. At the moment, we really needed help and we accepted.
It was hell, she didnât understand the concept that me being at home working is not the same as being off work and even though we had several conversations, she would often ask for help or come and talk about random things or simply wouldnât close the door and my children came in to talk, among several other interruptions. After a lot of complaining and talking, things got a little better, but it was still a huge amount of stress.
At the beginning of this week, she said that she could continue to care, but that she would need to receive a salary, as the bills needed to be paid, and she gave her âpriceâ (the amount was a little below average, but nothing special) and I just felt overwhelmed.
I talked to my husband and said I didnât want it, because despite it being cheaper, itâs very stressful, and she doesnât know how to respect limits, so I would prefer a professional who knows how to respect and isnât part of the family.
He complained, saying this would be a way to help his mother before she retires (in 3 years) and we could help the family and not someone strange. I said that I was the one who stayed at home with her and interrupted all the time, and he didnât work at home to find out how much his mother disrupts his work routine by not respecting limits.
He still doesnât agree with me, saying that we should give his mother a chance and that she has already shown herself capable of changing (with a looot difficulty and time) and that he didnât want her to go through difficulties if we can help.
In the end, he relented, but we agreed to pay for the 2 weeks she worked, and we are looking to help out a little with her bills. But heâs upset with me for this joint decision, and his mother is criticizing me for not helping her and preferring a stranger. The new babysitter will come on Monday (all lucky, sheâs a former babysitter of mine who was available).
People stood on her side.
âThis is not about family. Itâs business. You are trying to fill an employment position. This behavior would be unacceptable from an employee you werenât related to, and itâs not acceptable from your MIL. If an employee is not fit for a position, they donât get hired. Period.
Her presence is creating unnecessary stress and contention. Itâs better for your relationship with her if you limit the exposure. Your partner needs to understand that. I realize his intentions are good, but THE âroad to hellâ and all that. If youâre not able to get your work done due to said employee, you will have less money to pay them. The relationship needs to be symbiotic.â consolelog_a11y / RedditâIt sounds like it is worked out now. But stop allowing your husband to treat you like a doormat. Of course, it doesnât bother your husband, he isnât home, and she is his mommy.â Unknown author / RedditâThe bottom line is youâve explained repeatedly that you canât be disturbed at home, BUT she continually does this. The fact that she is still criticizing you for ânot helpingâ shows she does not appreciate/respect/understand (choose one/all) and shows that you wonât get any âvalueâ from her help. Your husband may want to help his mom, but MIL has little interest in changing.â cats***kid / Reddit
âYour reasons are completely valid, and I see his point as well, but the facts are, your MIL doesnât respect agreed-upon boundaries, and that will wreak havoc on your family.â IamIrene / RedditâMy dad told me when I opened my own business, âNever hire anyone you canât fire.â In the end, you need someone to watch your kids while you work. If you canât work, why would you need someone else there? If sheâs not going to do the job, then why would you pay her?â LostArtofConfusion / RedditâIâm sorry that your husband isnât being supportive. Your point is spot on â YOU work from home, and you need to have your expectations met. If HE was working from home and could handle the interruptions, good for him. But as itâs you, not him, YOU get to make this call.â Goalie_LAX_21093 / RedditWhile they recognize the importance of family support and the value of their mother-in-lawâs help, they need to stand firm in their belief that financial compensation could blur the lines between genuine familial care and transactional relationships. Ultimately, the decision highlights the importance of clear boundaries and open communication in maintaining healthy family dynamics, even when the choices are challenging.
