I Refuse to Spend My Inheritance on My Stepchildren

Money often creates tension in relationships, especially when one partner feels entitled to a specific amount. This was the case with Becky, who believed the inheritance her father left should be hers to spend, not for family expenses. Her husband disagreed, reminding her that he’s been supporting her for years. In a shocking turn, he did something that devastated Becky, leading her to seek our advice.

Here is Becky’s letter:

Well the money is yours from your dad, your husband’s money is his from his hard labor, yet he supports you and lets you share it with him. You are greedy. I got an inheritance and I used it for my family, that is what a caring person does. I think you need to re-evaluate your logic.

Thank you for sharing your story, Becky! Here are a few tips that can help you navigate through this situation.

Set clear boundaries with your inheritance.

Since you told your husband that the $40k was left for you to spend on yourself, it’s essential to reinforce that boundary. Sit down with him and calmly explain why this money is important to you. Emphasize that this inheritance is a personal gift from your father, meant for your own security or enjoyment.

Address his behavior, not just the money issue.

The fact that your husband packed up your belongings and acted spitefully suggests deeper issues beyond just the inheritance. His actions were controlling and manipulative, which could point to a lack of respect in the relationship.

Have a serious conversation with him, focusing on his behavior rather than just the money. Ask him why he felt the need to retaliate in such a drastic way, and express how his actions affected you emotionally. This might help uncover underlying problems that need addressing.

Propose a financial compromise.

If finances are a source of tension, propose a compromise. While the $40k is rightfully yours, you could suggest setting aside a small portion of it (for example, 10%) to contribute to a specific family need, like emergency savings or a special project that benefits the household.

This would show that you’re willing to meet him halfway without giving up control over the majority of your inheritance. It could also help ease the financial pressure without you feeling like you’ve sacrificed what your dad left for you.

Consider marriage counseling to repair trust.

The situation has escalated to the point where you’ve both stopped talking to each other, which can damage the relationship further. Since this issue has created tension around trust, communication, and finances, it might be beneficial to see a marriage counselor together.

A neutral third party could help you both understand each other’s perspectives and work through the conflict in a more productive way. It would also provide a space to address any long-term issues, like his controlling tendencies, that may have been brewing before the inheritance came into play.

Here’s another couple who faced serious tension over money. Lindsay wanted to buy a special gift for her daughter’s graduation, but her husband, the stepfather, refused, insisting on something less expensive and reminding her that he was the main earner. However, thanks to Lindsay’s stepdaughter, the situation took a heartwarming turn. Here’s the full story.