I Went Halves on My Engagement Ring—And It Felt Completely Romantic

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Last weekend, my partner and I got engaged. (Eek! Yay! Champagne bottle emoji!) Getting engaged is something we’ve been talking about doing for a while—yes, I knew it was coming. And I’m glad I did, because it meant I could book a manicure and plan my ‘fit. It also meant I could help choose the ring. We settled on a truly stunning (IMO) vintage emerald and diamond ring from Rock N’ Rose. And when it came to making the purchase, it seemed only natural that we would split the bill.

When I tell people that my partner and I decided to go halves on my engagement ring, it tends to elicit a wide range of responses: a raised, suspicious eyebrow. An “Oh, that’s… interesting.” Maybe even a thinly veiled look of pity.

It’s not that I expect absolutely everyone to go halvsies. Obviously, many women may not want to—and that’s fine! But I’m always a little surprised by these reactions. I had assumed that splitting the cost of the ring was something a lot of us modern women might be doing. It felt fair, feminist; a symbol of our partnership rather than a reminder of some kind of outdated gendered imbalance.

Courtesy of Meg Walters

After all, things have moved on quite a lot when it comes to equality in male-female romantic relationships in the UK. For one thing, it has become the norm for both men and women to work. Research from ClearScore suggests that most couples are making an effort to contribute equally when it comes to finances: 40% of couples split their bills proportionately to income, while 51% split everything 50/50. Admittedly, there is still a long way to go when it comes to the division of labour, with women reportedly doing 36 hours of household tasks per week, while men do an average of 25. Nevertheless, this is an improvement on the zero hours that (many) men were doing 50 years ago.

However, despite this general push to make heterosexual coupledom more equal, surprisingly few couples make the same decision to go halves when it comes to the engagement ring. According to a 2023 study, 94% of partners who did the proposing paid for the engagement ring in full, and only 2% of couples reportedly decided to split the cost of the ring.

Then again, the more I think about it, these stats kind of check out. My algorithm (which has cottoned on to the fact that I’m getting engaged) is filled with a surprising number of young women who seem to believe pretty fervently that the ring should be something that the man and only the man pays for. And, even more strange, the general line of thinking seems to be: the bigger the ring he can buy, the better the man.

Just take the bizarre reaction to Belly’s engagement ring in The Summer I Turned Pretty. Videos went viral on TikTok, with fans of the show joking about its teeny-tiny size. “Jeremiah had to find the cheapest one,” one TikTok comment read. “And she was soooo proud of it too. Girl…cmon,” another read. Most people assumed that it was Jeremiah’s job to provide the ring—and most judged him for not being able to afford a bigger one.

There was a similar outcry after Celine Song’s Materialists, which (spoiler) ends with Chris Evans proposing with a daisy ring. It’s meant to be a romantic gesture, but, instead, many women seemed to find it insulting. “The Materialists was a broke man’s fantasy. the flower ring???? at 37?????” one woman wrote on top of a TikTok video.

Courtesy of Meg Walters

Then there are the equally gendered, equally money-focused reactions to the recent big engagement rings worn by celebrities. Taylor Swift, who once sang about marrying someone with “paper rings,” is proudly sporting a giant diamond reportedly worth up to £4m. Meanwhile, Selena Gomez’s marquise diamond is worth an estimated $225,000. And fans seem to see these rings as signs that their respective men are worthy partners.

There seems to be a sort of inconsistency going on here: while many modern couples apparently want an equal partnership, deep down, an increasing number of young women still see the engagement ring as some kind of monetary sign of a man’s worth as a partner; essentially, a sign that he is going to financially support her.

But perhaps this expecting-him-to-pay-for-the-ring thing isn’t quite as inconsistent with modern relationship norms as I had initially thought. Despite certain advances in gender equality in relationships, it’s worth noting that there is also a subtle but definite countermovement away from this equality in recent years, too. More and more, women seem to be expecting men to pay for dates. Some women believe it’s right for the male partner to contribute more to bills. While not everyone has gone full trad wife, it’s clear that there are some more traditional gendered beliefs seeping back into the culture — especially when it comes to finances in relationships. Dating and love have quietly become more transactional. And perhaps this new obsession with men buying rings is connected.

For me, the ring wasn’t about my partner proving his financial worth to me. In the context of our relationship, that would be ridiculous. We are partners. We are both working and saving for our joint goals. We contribute equally to the day-to-day aspects of our lives. So, for our particular circumstances, expecting him to shell out for my ring would feel wrong.

I see our engagement as a symbol of our joint partnership: our commitment to build a life together, both contributing in our own ways. By splitting the bill of my (beautiful) ring, I felt we were making a symbolic gesture towards that plan rather than towards some sort of historic gendered ideal. And I understand: there are numerous other reasons why many women may not feel the same way. Some women may want to be surprised. Some couples may have a different financial set-up. Some people may simply care more about wedding traditions than we do. And that’s ok! But for us, going halves on the ring felt utterly romantic.

This op-ed was originally published by Glamour UK.