“It’s Never Quite The Same”: 16 “Hard Truths” About Growing Up That Older Adults Were Not Fully Prepared For

There are many beautiful things about aging, but there are also many difficult parts, too. Recently, older adults of the BuzzFeed Community shared some of the “difficult truths” that come with growing older, and some aren’t spoken about enough. Here are some of the hardest things to accept about aging:

1.

“I wouldn’t change it, but having much more to lose has made me less of a risk-taker. In my youth, more than once, I left everything behind to pursue a new opportunity. Doing so worked out for me, but now, I have a great career, a lovely house, and a romantic partnership that are not worth leaving behind. I’m very grateful to have these things, but I feel less courageous and independent as a result.”

2.

“Remembering people you have hurt and realizing there is no way to make amends or even apologize.”

—Anonymous

3.

“Not being able to see the world like I wanted to weighs on my mind. I’ve only just stepped into middle age, but I’ve never been abroad. I worry I will run out of time and chances or that I will just be too deteriorated to enjoy it (I have chronic pain and worsening arthritis). Every time I’ve started to plan and save for travel, I encounter financial roadblocks. Just when I finally thought I could pay for it, I got laid off. And now, the cost of living has jacked up so much. I hope inflation doesn’t ruin my chances of ever achieving my biggest dream.”

4.

“I just turned 80, but people think I’m in my 60s. What I find hard is that I used to be very pretty. It’s difficult now to look in the mirror. I don’t feel old, but my body tells me different.”

—sandyd2

5.

“Loneliness! At 90, I’m not confident about driving, so I pretty much just stay at home. My old friends are gone, and both of my daughters work. I am so out of touch with what’s happening in the world that visiting me just feels like a boring obligation. I miss shopping at big shopping centers and having the freedom to go where I want when I want.”

6.

“Becoming an orphan. It doesn’t matter how old you are. Once both parents have passed way, you feel adrift. Your whole sense of security and where you fit in the family completely changes.”

—clumsycan581

7.

“For me, the hardest part is admitting to myself that I can no longer do many things I used to do without problem, like mowing the lawn or doing simple fix-its around the house. I have to hire someone to get everything done now. I’m a 66-year-old man. I drove my body hard in my younger years; I played football and was into long-distance running. Now, osteoarthritis has completely taken over every joint in my body. It’s hard on a man’s pride to say, ‘I can’t do that anymore.'”

8.

“I’m happy to have reached 77, but what’s been difficult for me is realizing that my hearing is not what it used to be. It’s so frustrating trying to have a regular conversation with people or trying to include yourself in big groups when I constantly have to strain my ears to hear.”

—Stefan, 77

9.

“Age discrimination. In the workplace, your experience means squat when there’s a ‘fresh body’ willing to work for cheap. People and agencies treat you like a child.”

10.

“No one ever tells you that your fingers get numb, weak, or bent. Oh, I have a lovely blouse with buttons on them? Well, I can’t button them up. I can only wear pullover sweaters, t-shirts, or cardigans with large buttons. Not only that, but my fingers can’t pull up zippers either. It’s just so demoralizing! All the things I’d planned to do in retirement — practice the piano and guitar and stitch — can no longer be done due to my old fingers. Alas, it’s the smallest things that can get you down.”

—cornywolf61

11.

“I regret not committing our family stories to paper. Now that my parents and grandparents are all gone, so is a lot of information. I wish there were someone to whom I could ask questions. But I’m also a scrapbooker, and the other day, I started questioning why I even do it. No one ever looks at them. My daughter — my only child — doesn’t seem to care about the scrapbooks and would even get embarrassed if I remotely acted like I would show them to her friends. The scrapbooks I made specifically for her are at my house, not her’s. She’s not married, and there aren’t any grandkids to leave them to. It’s hard to keep preserving memories when you’re unsure if they’ll be appreciated when you’re gone.”

12.

“Watching and caring for aging and increasingly frail parents.”

—cooljaguar81

13.

“I find that people do not want to listen to you because the events in your life have no relevance in theirs. When I was a kid, we were taught that our elders were the keepers of knowledge and that advice was always there to aid the youth. Now, they are nothing more than stories seemingly aggravating to other generations. At 81, I feel like one of the old dusty books that line my bookshelf.”

14.

“Feeling invisible most of the time. I never tried to be the center of attention in my life, but raising children makes you become that. When they grow up or move away, your focus changes, but it’s never quite the same as when you made the decisions and called the shots. Now, you simply have to mostly go along with someone else making decisions and handling your life, whether out of a sense of duty or whatever else.”

—Anonymous

15.

“For me, it’s the knowledge that I have a limited amount of time to spend with my newly-born grandchild. I love her so much. I want to be here to be a part of all of her firsts. This desire to be here for her is the impetus behind doing everything I can to maintain my good health.”

16.

Lastly: “Losing so many people that you love over the years. I feel like I have more loved ones who have died than are still alive.”

—luckyangel30

If you’re an older adult, what’s a difficult truth about aging that you’ve had to learn to accept? If you want a chance to be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post, share your story with us in the comments, or you can anonymously submit it using this form!

Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.