Kate Middleton’s brother, James, reveals he was once ‘suicidal,’ pushed family away: ‘A complete failure’
Kate Middleton’s brother, James Middleton, reflects on a dark time in his life in his upcoming memoir, “Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life.”
James admitted he used to “contemplate ways of dying” because he wanted to “get off the giddy roller-coaster that [was] sending [him] to the brink of madness,” per an excerpt published by the Daily Mail.
“I cannot sleep because my mind is in tumult,” he wrote in the book.
James Middleton, pictured above with sister Pippa Middleton in June 2014, recalls feeling “suicidal” in his forthcoming memoir, “Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life.” AFP via Getty Images
In an excerpt from the book, James — pictured above with his family in December 2016 — admits that he used to “contemplate ways of dying.” Samir Hussein
“The insomnia is dizzying. I am utterly exhausted. I feel misunderstood; a complete failure. I wouldn’t wish the sense of worthlessness and desperation, the isolation and loneliness, on my worst enemy. I think I’m going crazy.”
James, 37, continued, “Yet I know I am privileged; fortunate, too, to have a loving and close-knit family — Mum and Dad, my sisters, Catherine and Pippa, their husbands, William and James — but I push them all away.
“I do not answer their phone calls. Emails remain ignored. Invitations to visit go unheeded. I hide behind a double-locked door, unreachable.”
“The insomnia is dizzying. I am utterly exhausted. I feel misunderstood; a complete failure,” wrote James, pictured above with ex Donna Air in February 2015. Getty Images
James, seen above with sister Pippa in September 2022, shared that he “pushed” his family away during the tough time. Getty Images
James recalled one difficult night in November 2017 when he considered taking his own life by “jumping from the rooftop” of a building in London.
“I wonder, if I jump, could it possibly be construed as a tragic accident? That way my family, although they would grieve desperately, would be spared the added torture of knowing that I had ended my life by suicide,” he wrote.
However, he shared that his dog Ella convinced him to reconsider.
James, seen above in November 2018, also recalled wanting to take his own life by “jumping from the rooftop” of a building in London at one particularly low point in November 2017. Getty Images for GQ Germany
James, pictured above with his mom, Carole Middleton, in May 2017, wrote that his dog Ella convinced him to continue living. Getty Images
James recalled the spaniel keeping an unwavering eye on him through the skylight of the building.
“I glance down the ladder again. Ella has not moved. Her brown eyes are still staring intently at me, soulful and pleading, and as my gaze locks on hers again, my brain quietens. In that instant I know I will not jump. What would happen to Ella if I died? How long would she wait alone in the flat for someone to find her?” he wrote.
“I haul myself back from the brink, slowly climb down the ladder and stroke Ella’s silky head. She is the reason I do not take that fatal leap. She is Ella, the dog who saved my life.”
James’ memoir, “Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life,” will be available on Sept. 24.
If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
