Late-Night Hosts React to Presidential Debate: ‘This Cannot Be Real Life’

“After watching tonight’s debate, both of these men should be using performance enhancing drugs,” Jon Stewart confirmed on The Daily Show

Last night’s presidential debate gave late-night hosts a lot of joke fodder and they truly made the most of the opportunity. Despite several shows being dark this week, Jon Stewart and Jimmy Kimmel stand-in Martin Short went in hard on the showdown between Joe Biden and Donald Trump.

On The Daily Show, Stewart broke down the debate, which he explained mostly consisted of Trump’s lies and Biden’s senior moments. The host showed various clips from the televised debate, including when Biden fumbled a response about Medicare.

“Need to call a real estate agent in New Zealand,” Stewart joked, clearly concerned. He then tried to justify Biden’s muddled answer. “OK, a high pressure situation,” Stewart said. “A lot of times you can confuse saving Medicare with beating it. I’m sure it’s not something that repeated throughout the debate, causing Democrats across the country to either jump out of windows or vomit silently into the nearest recycling bin.”

Stewart also tore down Trump all of his falsehoods. “Everything that Donald Trump said in that clip is a lie,” Stewart said. “Blatant and full. And we were tight on time putting this thing together. There’s plenty more.”

Later, Stewart confirmed that maybe Biden taking drugs to help his performance wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

“Let me just say after watching tonight’s debate, both of these men should be using performance enhancing drugs,” he said. “As much of it as they can get, as many times a day, as their bodies will allow. Performance enhancing drugs that will improve their lucidity, their ability to solve problems, and in one of the candidate’s case, improve their truthfulness, morality, and malignant narcissism. Whatever magical drugs that can kick their brains into gear, because this ain’t Olympic swimming. Oh, he solves the Middle East, but he was doping, so it doesn’t count?”

He added, “And if those drugs don’t exist, if there aren’t actual performance enhancing drugs for these candidates, I could sure fucking use some recreational ones right now. Because this cannot be real life. It just can’t. Fuck. We’re America!”

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On Jimmy Kimmel Live, Short came out as his character Jiminy Glick to comment on the debate. “You know who would have been a better moderator? Me.” he said. “Because I’ve worked with many presidents over the years. In fact, my very first job was as a young speech writer for President Nixon.” He claimed to know Trump, saying that Kimmel is too negative about the former president, and took the opportunity to perform a “Musical Salute to Donald Trump.”

Rolling Stone wrote of the debate, which aired on CNN, “Joe Biden lost the first debate. And he’s put his candidacy — and the country — in a profoundly difficult place. It’s hard to say it more clearly. From the opening exchanges, the incumbent appeared hoarse, unsteady, and at times confused. He seemed to embody the right-wing caricature of the president as an old man who has lost the plot.”