Liverpool will go whole season without facing Proper Team after Arsenal and Chelsea decisions
Liverpool are famously yet to beat a Proper Team but when can Arne Slotâs double table-toppers hope to prove themselves properly and end that streak?
If there is one thing literally everyone can agree on without exception, itâs that Arne Slotâs Liverpool are yet to beat a Proper Team. There was a meeting and everything. The spread was sensational and the verdict was unanimous.
It is an achievement in itself: Liverpool have played 19 games in all competitions, winning 17, drawing one and losing one. They are top of the Premier League and Champions League tables. And so they really should be, having not overcome a single Proper Team.
Back at the start of October, Slot said of Liverpoolâs excellent form: âEvery fixture [is] really difficult in the Premier League, but everybody tells me that a top league table team is a bit more difficult than a lower league table team, which we can all understand, and we havenât faced one of them yet.â
They had already beaten Manchester United at Old Trafford by that point, and have since faced and won against Chelsea, Brighton (twice), Aston Villa, Leipzig, Leverkusen and Real Madrid.
When encountered with a Proper Team in Arsenal they could only draw at the Emirates, which begs the inevitable question as to when Liverpool will finally beat a Proper Team this season.
Here are their upcoming opponents, complete with an evaluation of their Proper Team credentials.
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Manchester City (h, Premier League) â December 1
It would be close to cracked-badge crisis territory if Liverpool donât beat a side winless in six, with the sort of injury issues the Reds could only imagine, and whose last victory came against Southampton over a month ago.
Newcastle (a, Premier League) â December 4
Any Proper Team status is automatically revoked upon home defeats to West Ham. Those are the rules.
Everton (a, Premier League) â December 7
Could we take this seriously please?
Girona (a, Champions League) â December 10
Liverpool just âscaredâ Kylian Mbappe and ripped a half-strength Real Madrid to pieces; Spainâs seventh-best team should be no problem.
Fulham (h, Premier League) â December 14
The only non-promoted or relegated side to lose a Premier League game to Wolves since mid-February. Next.
Southampton (a, Carabao Cup) â December 18
They do appear to have triggered this Manchester City collapse â Pep Guardiola has lost five games and drawn one since vowing to âlearn a lotâ from Russell Martin â but no.
Tottenham (a, Premier League) â December 22
A compelling case can be made that this is indeed a Proper Team based on the evidence of how they dismantled the champions. But also lads, itâs Tottenham.
Leicester (h, Premier League) â December 26
Appointing someone as manager in the same season theyâve beaten you twice is an automatic disqualification.
West Ham (a, Premier League) â December 29
On the anniversary of David Moyesâ second coming, no less? How dare Julen Lopetegui stand where he stood.
Manchester United (h, Premier League) â January 5
Slot himself has already pied them off once and Ruben Amorim canât change that so soon, no matter how much he lovingly slaps his players.
Nottingham Forest (a, Premier League) â January 14
It was fun for a while but they are now irrevocably average again. It was mentioned in the meeting.
Brentford (a, Premier League) â January 18
A Proper Team from kick-offs exclusively.
Lille (h, Champions League) â January 21
Until they play an entirely feasible Premier League stalwart midfield of Nabil Bentaleb, Remy Cabella and Andre Gomes their application can go no further.
Ipswich (h, Premier League) â January 25
Have conceded 13 unanswered Premier League goals to Liverpool since Alun Armstrong equalised at Portman Road in April 2001.
PSV (a, Champions League) â January 29
With a far worse team than this admittedly completely untested group of Liverpool players, Slot has already managed a draw and a win against PSV in 2024.
Bournemouth (a, Premier League) â February 1
Not counting a win in March 2023 because frankly itâs really inconvenient and selfish, Bournemouth have lost ten consecutive Premier League matches to Liverpool since The Lorius Karius Game.
Wolves (h, Premier League) â February 15
Remember when Gary OâNeil was linked with the Liverpool job?
Manchester City (a, Premier League) â February 22
They might have won an actual game of football again by this point but Manchester City are hardly about to follow up an autumnal slump by embarking on an unstoppable run of consecutive victories from January to May. Thatâs preposterous.
Newcastle (h, Premier League) â February 26
Beyond the obvious West Ham problem, the only intrigue really is whether Newcastle are #HoweIn or #HoweOut that week.
Southampton (h, Premier League) â March 8
Not counting a win in January 2021 because it was in that three-month period when even Scott Parker beat Liverpool, Southampton have not won against the Reds in the Premier League since March 2016.
Aston Villa (a, Premier League) â March 15
Manchester City being gloriously rubbish (and Michele Di Gregorio having famously brittle ribs) has distracted from the fact Aston Villa no longer win games of football.
Everton (h, Premier League) â April 2
Moyes might be in charge by then but a world in which he wins at Anfield is inconceivable.
Fulham (a, Premier League) â April 5
A Proper Team would have either scored from a set-piece by now or taken Andreas Pereira off them.
West Ham (h, Premier League) â April 12
They have won a European trophy more recently than Liverpool but no.
Leicester (a, Premier League) â April 19
Ruud van Nistelrooy should finally be in place but the owner might not have finished tearing a strip off the squad.
Tottenham (h, Premier League) â April 26
The last Spurs manager to win at Anfield was Harry Redknapp.
Chelsea (a, Premier League) â May 3
They do look really very good indeed but not nearly enough is made of the fact that Willy Caballero is their assistant manager.
Arsenal (h, Premier League) â May 10
As close as they are to meeting the criteria, Mikel Arteta screaming the lyrics to One Kiss by Dua Lipa in his playersâ faces during training to prepare them for Anfield might backfire.
Brighton (a, Premier League) â May 18
From August 7, 2017 to June 23, 2021, Brighton were a Propper Team. So close.
Crystal Palace (h, Premier League) â May 25
Roy Hodgson would obviously receive and reciprocate a warm reception at Anfield after another Selhurst Park manager panic but Palace cannot hope to pretend they fit the bill.
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