Love Is Blind’s Sara Shares Everything We Didn’t Hear About Ben at the Reunion: ‘I Had to Get Burned’

Warning: Spoilers for the Love Is Blind season 8 reunion, ahead.

Love is Blind’s Sara Carton admits she needed to be “burned” by Ben Mezzenga before she could truly let go of their love story. As we learned during the Love Is Blind reunion special, the pair attempted to date outside of the experiment, despite the various concerns that caused Sara to end their engagement in the first place.

Although Ben’s apathy towards social issues and some unnerving TikTok rumors raised red flags during filming, it was a good old-fashioned ghosting that ended their relationship for good. While Ben insists the pair were split up before Sara left for Nashville a few weeks after filming, the oncology nurse says he planned to meet her in Tennessee to see if their connection could grow in the real world. Only, she says he never showed up and removed her from Find My Friends.

“I felt super duped,” she tells Glamour over Zoom ahead of the reunion. “In that moment is when I felt the most clarity of who Ben actually was, and it all made sense. Everything coming to my attention throughout the two months that I knew him all clicked. Unfortunately, I had to be the one to get burned personally for me to actually understand, ‘Wow, this is who he is.’”

Frankly, Netflix would have needed to spend the entire reunion on Ben and Sara to get to the bottom of what we missed when the camera’s stopped rolling. Luckily, Glamour caught up with Sara the day before she flew to Los Angeles to cap the season.

“I don’t want to bash Ben. I don’t want to, like, go into that negative route,” she says. “I just want to speak my story.”

Below, Love is Blind’s Sara tells us all about her relationship with Ben, including some shocking details that didn’t make it into the reunion special.

Glamour: When did you know you were going to say “no” at the altar?

Sara Carton: That’s really hard to say because I was really trying to be 100% in, no matter all the external things coming to my attention throughout all of filming. I was really giving Ben the benefit of the doubt throughout the whole entire time, and really trying to believe him and trust him, because I did trust his word in the pods, I fell in love with this man in the pods. I wanted to believe he was the man that I fell in love with.

I was so conflicted, I truly was. It was emotions and my feelings involved with these things that I couldn’t dismiss in real life. And so I was just like, “Oh my gosh, should I listen to my mind or my heart?” And so I really didn’t know where it was tugging me, but honestly, my intuition was telling me I can’t say yes but I was still hopeful that we could maybe work things out after the altar or after the the cameras were away, and when we went back to regular, real life.

But honestly it was probably after the TikTok is when I knew, like, I still have a lot to get to know about Ben.

Did you realize you were going to say “no” before walking down the aisle or was it an in-the-moment decision?

I think I knew the whole day going into it that I was probably gonna say no, but I could still see myself say yes. It was really weird. I was very torn but at end of the day, I knew the safest option for me and smartest option for me was to say no. But I was so excited to have this love story and meet my person by falling in love with each other’s heart and mind.

I wanted it to happen so badly but every time I was thinking, “Oh, I can see myself saying yes,” I still knew in the back of my head it just didn’t feel right. Of course, walking down the aisle was when it was like, “Okay, this is now and this is going to happen and I’m going to do it.”

Before the ceremony, your sister Lisa told her partner, “I want her to make the choice that she wants to make.” What did she say to you after you said “no?”

They both told me they were just so proud of me, and they told me that they knew that I knew what was best for me, and they were so proud of me to stand up for myself and to do what was right. They just said it was amazing to see me up there saying my piece and saying what was coming from my heart.

What happened directly after you said no? Did you talk to Ben at all after the ceremony?

I left the altar, I was in the back, and then he came back, like, five minutes later and I gave him a hug. I was like, “Are you okay?” I felt so bad because I cared about him. And then later that night, after filming was done, I honestly didn’t even talk to him. We were all at a bar with all of our friends and family, but I was with my friends and family, and he was with his friends.

Wait, you went to the same bar after the wedding ceremony?

We coordinated that. We wanted everyone [together] because we were like, “Oh, this will still be exciting to have everyone in town.”

There was a sense of relief to know that the big day was done but he kind of stayed far away from me a little. Like, maybe a little distant. But I also was just so happy to have all my loved ones in the same room and I needed them because it was such an emotional roller coaster. They kept me grounded…If I was to talk to Ben, honestly, I probably would have felt more confused.

So, did you and Ben end up dating after the pods?

It’s a long story, but after the wedding day, I was so flustered. I was very confident with my answer, but I still had hope that we would still be together and figure things out and try because I put so much emotion and time in this person that I didn’t want that to be wasted. We met each other in such a beautiful, awesome, rare moment and I was thinking it was meant to be. Like fate. Like we crossed paths for a reason, and I don’t want to just to stop.

So after the wedding day and filming was over—like, back to real life—I was going to go back to my nursing contract in Nashville, Tennessee. Throughout filming, we had the discussion that he would come with me. The night before I left for Nashville, we had the discussion and decided he was going to be with me for two weeks, up to two months in Nashville. And we were so excited and looking forward to that time together. The next day, I left for Nashville.

It’s a 12 and a half hour drive and I didn’t hear much from him that day, which is fine, but by the time I got to Nashville, I realized he already removed me from Find My Friends and I was so confused, because I thought we left on good terms. I felt super duped. And honestly, in that moment is when I felt the most clarity of who Ben actually was, and it all made sense. Everything coming to my attention throughout the two months that I knew him all clicked. Unfortunately, I had to be the one to get burned personally for me to actually understand, “Wow, this is who he is.”

Did you two talk at all after that?

After that, I didn’t talk to him for like, a month and a half, and then he reached out again and said he was talking to a previous cast member. The previous cast member gave him the advice to be on good terms with me and to practice reunion questions together.

I was like, “Why are you telling me that?” Like, even if that’s your motive to call me, don’t tell me that. I just should have trusted my intuition the whole entire time. But yeah, I was pretty disappointed but I’m very, very happy with where I’m at now.

What did you say when he said he wanted to rehearse?

I was like, “Is this why you called me?” This was, like, a half hour into the conversation. And he was like, “No, no, no. Like, I called you because I miss you.”

I’m like, “No, it’s not.” Like, you needed to get advice from a previous cast member to call me when we haven’t talked for a month and a half and we ended things on a really weird note because you removed me from Find My Friends when I thought you’d be in Nashville that week? So it was just more clarity to me of the type of person he is.

IDid you ever reach out to the woman who made that initial TikTok post?

No, I did not.

More TikToks about Ben have come out since the first one. Did you know there were more during filming?

I was on my phone 24/7. [Laughs] I was checking Reddit. I was checking YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, everything. Honestly, it was a really hard time, but I wanted the most information I could get because this whole thing is jam packed in less than two months and I needed to get every ounce of information I could to make the most informed decision. So, yeah, of course, I saw more TikToks that were made. More, you know, Reddit pages or discussions. I saw the stitches of the videos, but I was also talking to Ben.

Ben was telling me that he’d have his friends and his ex-girlfriends reach out to him and be like, “Hey, keep your head up. People will do this to take down your name and stuff.”

Again, it was conflicting because I was seeing all of this online stuff, and then I was talking to Ben and seeing and hearing his side. It was just a lot to manage at once.

The allegations that Ben would leave cards advertising his YouTube channel with the girls he hooked up with were pretty wild.

Yes, I was sent that [rumor] from my friend in Nashville five days before the wedding…I kept that so close to my heart because I was like, “I’m not going to tell a soul because I can’t handle another thing.”

Obviously, your stance on Black Lives Matter and LGBTQ+ rights had a big impact on your relationship with Ben and sparked a lot of discourse online. While many people were happy to hear you have those conversations and stand by your convictions, what would you say to critics asking, “Why would you date him if you’re getting these passive answers?”

I just want to emphasize that there were 20 to 30 hours of conversation in the pods and obviously it’s edited to show a storyline. He did answer how he answered. I get that and re-watching just makes me think, like, “Oh my gosh.” It’s just another reminder that maybe I didn’t really catch on at the time and I was, of course, giving Ben the benefit of doubt.

But to me, we had these conversations multiple times. I had these conversations with other guys in the pods and I like to have these conversations with family, friends, and really any future potential partner. So for me, it’s just having the conversation and the open discussion and hearing each other out, hearing about each other’s perspectives or differences, and just being able to talk about what’s happening around the world, and that is the most important part for me. And I felt like with Ben, it was always an open discussion. I never felt like he was trying to get out of the conversation. He was listening. Also, I feel like these conversations were constantly living and growing, and I really want to just live and grow with my person. And it’s not everyone’s cup of tea to have these conversations, and that’s totally fine, but for me, I like to have them, and just to know that me and Ben could have these conversations and hear each other out. I thought that was the best thing.

Before your wedding you said of Ben, “It’s not like we have opposing views or we’re unaligned. I’ve always thought when meeting my partner that we’d be in the same place but it’s never gonna be a perfect world.” Do you still believe that?

In the perfect world, of course I would love to have someone on the exact same page. Realistically, I’m okay if there are differences as long as they’re still thinking about it and understanding that there is so much more happening in the world and the lives surrounding us than just what’s happening to us personally. And then also to reflect on it and have a stance on it. What do you think, what do you believe?

No, I don’t think I could be with someone totally opposite, I’m not gonna lie, but I also understand there will always be differences. I feel like we’ve set ourselves up for failure if we’re just looking for someone 100% on the same page.

Are you currently single?

Yes, I’m single.

What are you looking for in a relationship?

I want my best friend. I want someone who is there for me and supportive and excited and joyful and optimistic. It kind of mimics who I am, but I want all of that to be reciprocated. I want someone who’s intelligent and also open minded and understanding, but also just active in the outside world. You know, I’m just really looking for a best friend and someone with loyalty and integrity. Just being a good person.

Lauren and Molly were at your wedding. Do you still spend a lot of time together?

This whole entire experience, I don’t regret doing it at all. It was a lot, but it was the best, craziest, most beautiful thing ever. Just to see so many people who don’t know each other have to lean on one another in such hard, heavy times. It’s very vulnerable.I’m so lucky to meet all the girls. Lauren and Taylor are my besties. I don’t know how I could have done this without them.

I couldn’t do it alone. I’m so fortunate to have met everyone through it. I’ve gotten really close with a few of the guys, and we call ourselves the “yee-haw crew.” They came to visit me in Nashville.

Which guys?

It was me, Taylor, Lauren, Joey, Tom, Scott, and Daniel. It just warms my heart. We’re so lucky.

Are you ready to see Ben at the reunion and do you know what you want to say?

Yeah, I’m ready to see Ben. I’m not scared by any means, I’m not intimidated or anything. I really don’t know what to expect. I’m terrified of public speaking. That’s honestly what I’m most nervous about. I’m just going to speak my truth. This whole entire time, I’ve just been myself. I have been completely true to who I am as a person, so I don’t think anything will come surprising. But yeah, I just, I’m just going to speak my truth of what exactly happened. I don’t want to bash Ben. I don’t want to, like, go into that negative route. I just want to speak my story.

This article has been slightly edited for clarity and length. The entirety of Love Is Blind season eight is now available on Netflix.