Man Utd ‘FIRE SALE’ and Liverpool £315m fund-raise nonsense

We are firmly in transfer hell so that can only mean one thing: FIRE SALE. Manchester United oblige as Liverpool look to make trillions.

The most Daily Telegraph headline ever?

‘Cole Palmer emblematic of Chelsea culture war’

We’re just shocked Oliver Brown didn’t somehow blame it on all the fellas pretending to be women. An opportunity missed.

You raise me up…

If you are idly wondering how Liverpool are going to find the funds for Florian Wirtz and others as part of a summer spend that could rival the biggest in history, then idly wonder no more because the Express are here with the inside track:

Liverpool could raise £315m from player sales to sign Wirtz, Ekitike and Diomande

If you’re already thinking that ‘could’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that headline, let’s look at some numbers…

Chelsea were the biggest sellers in Europe in 2023 as they brought in £226m, and last summer they retained their crown by bringing in £147m, and now we are to believe that Liverpool are going to bring in £315m for their fringe players. Dead casual, like.

What we cannot treat casually is this throw-away line…

Meanwhile, the Reds have apparently slapped a £50m price tag on defender Jarell Quansah, who was limited to just four Premier League starts in Slot’s first season.

Sorry, what? You can’t just write that sentence with no comment. Liverpool have ‘slapped a £50m price tag’ on their fourth-choice centre-half, making him potentially as expensive as the biggest transfer of the summer so far.

We know ‘this means more’ and everything but this is fairy-tale nonsense. Almost like Liverpool could not raise £315m from player sales, after all.

Echo beach

Not mentioned in that exhaustive run-down of £315m of Liverpool exits is Cody Gakpo. And do you know why Gakpo is not mentioned? Because he is very clearly not for sale after a season in which he played almost as many Premier League minutes as Diogo Jota and Darwin Nunez combined.

But when you have to write giant swathes of Liverpool content every day, as they do at the Liverpool Echo, then you have to play a simple game of Let’s Pretend.

Liverpool star spotted in London and Paris after exit links ahead of Jeremie Frimpong transfer

‘Spotted’ is quite the word, suggesting that he was doing a bit of sneaking around but was then – oooh, look who it is – ‘spotted’.

We would humbly suggest that Gakpo was not sneaking around – after ‘exit links’ or not – as he appeared on a) the red carpet at a London premiere and b) centre court at the French Open. Almost like a man having a nice time on holiday.

Gakpo is seemingly unfazed by such speculation at least in what has been a busy week for the forward…

Odd that he would seem ‘unfazed’ by a massive club – in this case, Bayern Munich – being interested in him, knowing that actual Premier League champions Liverpool are likely to rebuff any interest.

Kudos is due to the Echo for the ‘ahead of Jeremie Frimpong transfer’ part of the headline. Is it relevant? F*** no. Did it get ‘transfer’ in the headline? Oh yes.

How soon is now?

‘Man City promise biggest transfer spree yet starting NEXT WEEK despite Premier League hearing over 130 charges looming’ – The Sun.

Yes, NEXT WEEK is when the transfer window opens.

How much?

Elsewhere in ‘how transfers work’, The Sun tell us breathlessly:

Chelsea ‘ask £350,000-a-week Man Utd loanee Jadon Sancho to sign new contract before completing £25m transfer’

Yes, that’s how transfers work. No club completes a transfer for a player and then negotiates a contract. That would be absolutely mental.

Chelsea most likely want Sancho to stay in West London.

However, Sky claim they will only sign him if he agrees to fit into the wage structure at the club.

No sh*t.

Did somebody say fire sale?

Harry Maguire faced the press on Manchester United’s ridiculous post-season tour of Asia and said:

There will be a lot of players who leave and hopefully a lot of players will come in.

And that’s down to the club to make sure they get that right and it’s down to us players to make sure that we are the ones that are involved.

Not exactly inflammatory…United have just had the worst season in Premier League history and three players have already left on free transfers with several others very obviously for sale.

Even last summer, eight players left Manchester United for money and five arrived.

So of course MailOnline scream…

Harry Maguire announces Man United FIRE SALE – with a warning to his team-mates – while Bruno Fernandes is ‘seriously considering’ £100m exit to Saudi Arabia

We have some sympathy as we are all stuck in transfer hell but, frankly, did he f*** announce a FIRE SALE.