MLB got THIS close to being NSFW talking about Brad HAND, Pierce JOHNSON and Miles MASTROBUONI

Sometimes the stars align, and you just have to call it like it is. That’s what happened between the Braves and Cubs on Monday night.

“But Brad Hand is no longer here, Pierce Johnson’s on the IL, so it’s a solo mission for Mastrobuoni tonight. Which is kind of fitting I suppose.”

We really need to fight the stigma around Mastrobuoni. If someone is in the privacy of their home, want to do some experimenting, and it just happens to involve Mastrobuoni — dammit, they should be allowed to Mastrobuoni.

I’m actually not entirely sure what the point was here if I’m being totally honest other than really trying to make this joke work. Why would a Cubs hitter have to go on a “solo mission” when two Braves pitchers aren’t there to make life more difficult?

I don’t want to be a prude though. There was a dick joke to be made, and our man took it.

The Cubs lost 2-0.