My Boyfriend Constantly Criticizes How I Run My Home, but Refuses to Move Out
Living with a partner can be one of the most enriching and rewarding experiences, offering companionship, support, and shared joy. However, it can also bring challenges, especially when it comes to balancing differing lifestyles. This is exactly what’s happening to one woman, who shared her story online.
She explained what was happening.
I (28F) bought my house 5 years ago. I got an inheritance from my great aunt who passed away and had no children. I was also saving for a home at the time and was able to buy a house with 20% down and pay off all my student loans. So Iâm very grateful to her for that.
I bought a very small house on a big lot, which was pretty affordable back in the day, as everyone wanted a big house and didnât care as much about the backyard space.
My bf (31M) and I moved in together a year ago, and he pays rent to me, but itâs much lower than he would pay if he rented elsewhere. He began complaining about how I ran my house like I hung up my laundry outside on clotheslines, and how I also tore out the grass in my front yard to make a wildflower garden and clover lawn.
I donât know why he has opinions about what the lawn is made of, but he complains it looks ghetto. Itâs not even obstructing his hobbies, he doesnât even hang out outside.
The big arguments came recently from me getting chickens. My city has a backyard chicken program where they grant permits for people to have backyard chickens. I got my permit after applying for 3 years straight and began looking to get chickens.
I spent last summer building a coop. My bf knows how to use tools but refused to help, saying it will make the house look like a barnyard. So I did it myself, and now he is complaining he moved in with me to live in a house, not a farm. He claims the chickens will be disgusting, but our neighbor got the permit last year and has chickens, but there are no weird smells or sounds coming from them.
Last night, I finally got the 4 heritage breed chickens I was looking for and told him, and he yelled at me for not listening to him. I was sick of this and told him to move out since he canât stand to live in a house with chickens in the backyard, and he got all quiet and proceeded to ignore me today. Iâm starting to think he wants to move out but doesnât want to deal with the high rent elsewhere. He is always telling me because he pays rent, he should get a say.
Was I a jerk for telling him to move out because he wonât let me do as I want on my own property? My house is finally looking like the house of my dreams and I put work in every weekend to do it all myself. I feel like he is now intruding on my paradise and being super critical of everything has me wanting him to leave.
People stood on her side.
âYou two are incompatible and should break up.â zombiemadre / RedditâIf heâs so concerned about how the place looks, he can go live in a bad apartment instead.â TrainingFilm4296 / RedditâI think in a relationship people do need to communicate and share their vision for their futures. Yâall arenât compatible. You want this house and to make it a certain way. He doesnât. Itâs time to move on for each of you.â twilightswimmer / Reddit
“It’s YOUR house. This is not the man for you. Somewhere out there is a chicken-loving wildflower-picking dude looking for a home and a good woman, and you won’t find him with that loser clinging to your leg!” Electronic_Wait_7500 / Reddit”He’s paying a tiny rentish amount. Not actually rent. Not equal, so no, he doesn’t get a say. Not a real rent lease agreement. This is him finding out he doesn’t call the shots in YOUR HOME.
When he actually pays a down payment, works on the house, and pays half the costs, he can have a say, until then he can shut up or get out. Also, until he apologizes or decides if he is or isn’t moving out, tell him not to even think of sleeping in your bed.” Lady_Jane888 / Reddit”Granted I’m only seeing this small sliver of your relationship, but it really doesn’t seem like you two are all that compatible. You’re doing things to help the environment while saving money in the process (eggs, lower utilities by hanging clothes outside, etc.) and he does nothing but insult you about it and get angry. Trust your gut. He DOES want to move out but doesn’t want to pay higher rent elsewhere.” Caspian4136 / RedditNavigating a relationship filled with constant criticism about household management while dealing with a partner who refuses to move out is undeniably challenging. It requires a delicate balance of communication, understanding, and boundary-setting.
