Seth Meyers Jokes He Can No Longer Cry After Trump’s Reelection: ‘Drier Than a Joe Biden Story’

November 7, 2024 @ 8:40 PM

Though there are some voters who are “enjoying liberal tears” since Donald Trump was named President-elect in this week’s election, the “joke’s on you,” Seth Meyers said Thursday on “Late Night.”

“I’ve lost the ability to cry,” he shared in his “Closer Look” segment. “It’s a condition called the medical inability to lacrimate. And if you don’t know what lacrimation is, I guess you haven’t recently asked WebMD, why can’t I cry? That’s right, my doctors say my tear ducts are drier than a Joe Biden story about growing up in Scranton.”

“Is crying bad now?” Meyers asked. “Because based on Donald Trump’s stories, that’s all people do when they come near him.”

The NBC host further noted that in the 48 hours since Trump won, his campaign said mass detaining and deportation of immigrants will begin on the first day he is in office, RFK Jr. has targeted Fruit Loops, the Department of Justice indicated it is mulling how to best wind down two outstanding federal cases against the incoming president and the Democratic Party has dissolved into a mess of infighting.

In other words, as he put it, “America’s back, baby.”

The only people who seem to be doing well in light of Trump’s election are “rich dudes,” Meyers told his studio audience. “The fortunes of the 10 richest people in the world surged by a daily record yesterday after Donald Trump won second term as President.”

The beneficiaries included Elon Musk, whose personal fortune went up another $26.5 billion. “You know, maybe now he’ll finally be able to afford a shirt that covers his entire stomach,” Meyers mused. “You know, my man, take this lesson from a fellow nerd, unless you got a six pack, don’t show us your abs. Whenever I take my kids to the beach, I wear one of those fake muscle shirts and, yeah, my kids make fun of me, and I cry.”

“Or I used to cry, thanks, President Trump,” he joked.

The late night host also suggested that Democratic leaders should “put your name” on everything they do that benefits their constituents and the public. “Joe Biden should have sent everyone $1,000 in the mail and called it Biden bucks. And it’s not an issue of left versus far left. You just have to make people’s lives better in a way that’s direct and easy to understand, and then aggressively take credit for it,” Meyers said.

“Take Obamacare. It’s great. And the polls, people say they love it. They want to keep it, but polls also show they’re sometimes confused by it or don’t even know they have it,” he continued. “So next time, make it easy, just pass a universal health care plan and send everyone a little ID card in the mail that says Obamacare, or a Democrat gave this to you.”

“There are lessons Democrats can take away from this election, and if they implement those lessons quickly, a lot can change,” Meyers concluded.

You can watch the segment from “Late Night With Seth Meyers” in the video above.