Some Sex Advice: Start Watching Porn With Your Partner

Porn has come a long way since its inception. The industry has gone from lube-less, jack-hammering videos to offering more arousing alternatives, like audio porn and erotic short stories. But even though porn is much different than what it used to be, some people still shy away from engaging with it by themselves — and especially with their partners.

Although watching porn with your partner likely isn’t an activity you’d think to add to your date-night itinerary, allow me to explain why it should be.

Experts Featured in This Article

Emily May is an AASECT-certified sex therapist and writer at Private Sugar Club, an online dating platform.

Why You Should Watch Porn With Your Partner

Porn is a lot like a sexual mood board: it offers endless inspiration. Are you tired of your go-to sex positions? Porn may give you some new alternatives. Are you unsure how you feel about dirty talk? Porn may give you some examples to incorporate into your own play. Do you want to explore a new kink? Porn may give you the confidence to speak up about it.

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship looking to spice things up or you’re having casual sex, watching porn with your partner can elevate your sex life for the reasons listed above. But most importantly, it can “open up conversations about fantasies and desires that otherwise might feel awkward to discuss,” sex therapist Emily May says.

If you see or hear something during your porn date that you’d be interested in trying with your own partner, you can casually say something like, “Wow, that was really hot” to gauge your partner’s interest. You’ll likely find this approach to be a lot less intimidating than bringing up a new sex idea to your partner randomly.

Watching porn together can also help normalize conversations about pleasure and boundaries with your partner. It creates a safe space for you and your partner to explore your curiosities without judgment. “Watching porn together often leads to more transparency and honest conversations,” Dr. May adds. Plus, engaging in whatever type of porn you choose with your partner isn’t just about learning what you and your partner enjoy, but it also helps you learn about what you and your partner don’t.

Porn is a lot like a sexual mood board: it offers endless inspiration.

Now, how in the world do you bring up to your partner that you want to watch porn with them? Good question. The next time you’re laying in bed or have some downtime with your partner in a private environment, ask them if they’d ever be open to watching porn together. If you don’t want to bring it up completely randomly, you could even share this article with your partner and ask them what they think, or tell your partner that you had a friend recently talk about how she and her partner are trying this.

If your partner is receptive to watching porn together, great. But keep in mind that not everyone has the same appetite for pornography, Dr. May says. “If your partner isn’t into it, respect that, and find other ways to spice things up,” she adds. Since there’s so many other ways to spice up your sex life, don’t feel like you need to pressure them into watching, listening, or reading porn.

But if they do decide they’re down to try it, establish some ground rules. Discuss how you two will decide what to watch, read, or listen to, and whether you will only do this together or if you are open to each other exploring porn individually first. Once you have all the logistics figured out, the porn world is your oasis.

Don’t overthink it, and enjoy porn for what it is: a picture of what you and your partner could explore. If it doesn’t work for you and your partner, NBD. But if it does, you may find it to be your new favorite aphrodisiac.

Taylor Andrews is a PS Balance editor who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more.