Taco Bell Held An E3-Like Event And It Was Weird
Hello everyone. Welcome to Friday. You made it to the end of the week. Congrats. I have a treat for you all: Taco Bellâs 2024 Live Mas Event. Whatâs that? Itâs basically a Taco Bell mini-E3 complete with musical acts, announcements, and all the cringey moments you crave from something like this. Yes, if you guessed that this would be a weird, late-capitalist fever dream, you are correct.
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I had no idea this event was happening until someone on Twitter began tweeting about it. I immediately dropped everything and started watching.
The event opened with Taco Bellâs CEO showing up and talking about how great the fast food chain is and how anyone can enjoy its giant tacos and burritos. To illustrate this, he pointed to a tweet that Iâm 98% sure is a joke and wasnât meant to be taken seriously by anyone, especially not the dude running Taco Bell. It called Taco Bell âthe last great melting pot of class in this country.â
After that, there was some more fluff, and Iâll be honest with you all: If you tuned into this event for big news about the Baja Blast or whatâs next for Taco Bellâs menu, you were probably a bit frustrated by all the fluff stuffed into this Ubisoft circa 2015 conference.
Screenshot: Taco Bell / Kotaku
At one point, someone began handing out awards to folks for best menu hack and best Taco Bell wedding. Later on, the whole event stopped for a few minutes to let two dudes play some acoustic music. They sounded fine, but camera shots of the crowd (including a dudeâs hat that had âWet Dreams Surf Clubâ emblazoned on it) seemed to indicate that the room was very much not into this vibe and just wanted to know what new slop Taco Bell was dropping.
Finally, after nearly 30 minutes of…whatever that all was, the chief marketing officer at Taco Bell, Taylor Montgomery, showed up to deliver some Taco Bell product news to thunderous applause and cheering. The news: Taco Bell wants to and plans on making its popular nacho fries permanent menu items. But they are still trying to âfigure outâ how. Okay…
After that, he gave us a shadow-drop (itâs just like Hi-Fi Rush at the Xbox Developer Direct!), announcing a new âCheesy Chicken Crispanda,â a shredded cheese-filled, chicken-stuffed empanada. Folks gasped (not kidding) when he confirmed that this new menu item would be available nationwide next week.
Screenshot: Taco Bell / Kotaku
Next up, he revealed Taco Bell is bringing chicken nuggets to the menu. At the sight of these fried bits of chicken, someone in the crowd yelled out âNo way!â Montgomery was quick to reply: âYes way! Whoever said âno way,â YES WAY girl!â
Then, after some airhorns, Montgomery revealed a new âvery limited timeâ item: Baja Blast ice cream. It is planned to launch this summer. I assume at this point at least one person in the audience had fainted from all the Taco Bell news. It was just too much.
Screenshot: Taco Bell / Kotaku
And for all you sauce packet sickos, Taco Bell knows you are tired of the boring old packets. So itâs changing them up this year and we got our first look at the new ones. Exciting stuff, folks. Iâm vibrating.
But Taco Bell wasnât done. No. After all that, Montgomery showed an image of a Crunchwrap and said, âLooks like a regular Crunchwrap, right?â Folks, thatâs your first clue that the man is about to trick you all. And he did. It turns out, it wasnât a regular Crunchwrap (GASP!) but in fact it contained a giant Cheez-It.
âOoohhhhhhh!!â went many folks in the audience. âWAAHhh!â yelled someone else at this revelation.
âI present to you: the Cheez-It Crunchwrap!â More cheering followed. According to Montgomery, this new item will be available at every Taco Bell this summer. The event then ended with a rap break.
Enjoy your weekend folks, and remember to Live Mas!
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